How Are You Gonna See Me
by captain ty
Summary: What if the thing you loved most, really wasn't lost.
1. Chapter 1

_I'm gonna be home soon  
I'm kinda awkward and afraid  
Time has changed your point of view_

_How You Gonna See Me Now- Alice Cooper_

**Chapter 1**

_Berlin-1956_

He hated Christmas, the whole peace on Earth and good will toward men, what a lode of crap. He'd seen the worst humans could do to one another, hell he'd even done his share of unspeakable acts. Oh don't get him wrong, he hated war and the atrocities it brought, but this season…this was a glaring reminder of what he'd lost. What he'd been foolish enough to let slip away.

Taking a deep breath he allowed himself to relax against the railing as he waited for his train. He'd come into the city today just to get away from the mundane routine he'd fallen in to; now he was regretting it. Now he felt stifled by all the people, he needed peace and quiet…and a very strong drink.

Trying to pull his thoughts away from the dark corner they were headed for, he suddenly felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up, he was being watched. Glancing around he didn't see anyone in the immediate area, but when he looked across the tracks that's when he saw her.

Every muscle in his body locked and he felt that he couldn't get a deep breath. There was no way it could be her, she'd been dead for twelve years, yet there was no mistaking those eyes. He couldn't see what color her hair was, but those crystal green eyes seemed to glow with a strange intensity as they stared at him from across the way.

Her head was cocked to the side and a frown marred her smooth face. When he moved to start walking around the tracks her eyes never left his. He could almost see her thinking she was concentrating on him so hard.

The whistle from the incoming train broke his stare and he realized he was going to have to move faster or she would board the train and he would lose her. Turning his gaze away from her he stared to run. It was going to be close but he thought he could just make it in order to catch her.

As he rounded the end of the track he knew he wasn't going to make it. A taller man had stepped up beside her and was pulling her by the arm toward the train. He noticed she was still concentrating on him and ignoring the man pulling her. They were almost on the train and he had to take the chance. Stopping he called her name. For one brief moment her face scrunched up in thought, but then she lifted a hand to her head to rub at her forehead like she was in pain.

The man pulling her had stopped when he'd called her name and now was staring at him with a look of fear. Yet when the man saw that she was rubbing her head, he bent and swept her up in his arms carrying her onto the train.

At this point there was nothing he could do; he was going to lose her again. As the train started to pull out he glanced at the destination and was relieved to see that is was a local train that serviced stops here in Berlin. He still had a chance.

She laid her head on Gunter's shoulder. The migraines came every time she tried to remember something. Today the man on the train platform had seemed too familiar; where did she know him from? Then he'd called a name and the pain had exploded inside her skull.

Sighing she squeezed her eyes shut trusting that Gunter would get her home safely where she could rest.

Gunter looked down at the woman leaning heavily on his shoulder. Today had scared him deeper than anything before. The American soldier had known her that much was clear and she'd been close to remembering, he could only pray that the migraine would stop her from any further memory searching. He was also praying that whomever that man was that he would search for her no further. But deep in his heart he knew this was a prayer that would never be answered.

By the time he made it home, he was tired, wet and annoyed. The checkpoints had taken longer to clear than normal and the snow that had been falling had suddenly turned into sleet mixed with rain.

Sighing as he sank down into his chair and sipped at the whiskey in his hand. He had to think about what his next move should be. Finding one woman in the middle of Berlin was going to be like trying to find a needle in a stack of needles, however the unusual eyes might help. He had friends that worked at the embassy, he would ask them to do a little searching for him. They owed him and besides, as the liaison officer he kept the Russians off their back.

Closing his eyes he thought about her. Kellie. Today had been the first time he'd spoken her name aloud in over twelve years. Smiling into the dark, he finally let himself remember….

_Tocca_

Smiling she dropped her head and pretended to be working on something as she watched him out of the corner of her eye. He'd been coming in almost every day, sometimes just to look or occasionally he'd buy something, but she could tell there was something different about today.

All they ladies had noticed him the first time he came in. They'd made a game of trying to determine who if anyone he was interested in, but when his attention continued to focus in her direction, the rest had become jealous. He was handsome, taller than most and an officer, that made him a very rare treat.

Lifting her head she turned to find him staring at her. Hmm, now that was new. Before if she ever caught him looking her way he'd turn away, but not today. Smiling at him he reached up to brush her hair back and then turned back to the sheet of paper in front of her.

Ron couldn't help but smile back. Today was going to be his lucky day. Normally this place was packed with people but today there were very few around and there was no one at her counter.

He could still remember the first time he'd ever seen her. She had been standing with the other ladies waiting for the bus as his company ran past. He'd almost tripped trying to get a better look at her, her hair catching his attention first. The dark auburn color had appeared black with red highlights. It had taken him a few days to actually find her and she her up close, that he saw those eyes. They were crystal green and full of life, especially when she smiled. The kind of eyes you could lose yourself in.

Today was his chance and he was going to ask her out, or at least talk to her. Moving with a purpose he walked up and leaned against the counter, "hi I'm Ron."

Lifting her head she gave him a shy smile, she cheeks blushing. "I know. I'm sorry but I couldn't help but ask about you."

This time he could feel his face heat, "took me too long to speak to you didn't it?"

Laughing she pushed her hair back, "maybe just a little."

"Ok then, well since you know my name, want to tell me yours."

"I'm Kellie."

The months at Tocca had passed quickly, especially when he spent every free moment with Kellie. She'd become so much more than he'd hoped for. She was smart, funny and a very passionate lover.

She wanted so much more from life and had worked hard to complete her nurses training and was looking forward to do something other than working in the commissary. She was going to make a wonderful wife, he was just sad that it wouldn't be with him.

He knew he could ask her to marry him, but he was going to war and the last thing he wanted was to leave behind a wife for who knew how long, while she waited and worried.

They'd both known their time was growing short and Ron knew more than he was willing to say, the company he was with would be leaving in the next few days. The rational part of him told him to let Kellie go, make a clean break. The part of him that was in love with her, wanted just one more day.

In light of that thought he now found himself standing outside her room waiting for her. Even though he knew that nothing good would come from tonight, he wanted her just one more time.

When Kellie stepped outside and shut the door behind her the smile she gave him told him more than words would ever say. Kellie Macintyre loved him and to his shame he knew he would have to use that love against her to save her.

The sun was peeking through the curtains stinging his eyes. He knew it was time to get up, but he wanted to cherish this last few minutes before it all went to hell. Turning to his side he smiled at the sight that greeted him. The messy auburn hair, creamy pale skin marred only by the red places his stubble had rubbed.

Smiling, he softly ran his finger down the hollow of her spine loving the feel of her body. Her soft sighs in even sleep making him hard again. Easing closer to her he slid his hand across her side to her stomach pulling her body in closer contact with his. As his hand continued down her stomach to stroke her softly he felt her breathing change.

"Well good morning to you too." Her soft chuckle followed by a sharp intact of breath told him he'd hit the right spot.

Pushing her hair aside he kissed her neck as he continued to stroke her. "Yes, well I couldn't think of a better way to start the day than inside you."

"Ah, didn't you get enough last night?"

Laughing he lifted her leg and slid into her from behind. "I can never get enough of you."

Reaching back she wrapped her hand around his arm. "Well I'm glad you feel that way, because I can't get enough of you either."

As she came he felt her nails dig into his arm and his name called in a soft voice. He hated not being able to finish inside her but with the unknown facing him, there was no way he could risk her getting pregnant.

Pulling her close again he closed his eyes for just a moment. This would be their last time together. He'd not told her that, his selfishness winning out over the need to make a clean break, but when he left this morning he'd say good-bye.

When she called his name and rolled to face him he lifted an eyebrow in question. He could see that she was nervous, so whatever she was about to say must be important. He was afraid he knew what it would be. They had been seeing each other for several months and been intimate for the last month. He'd been the one to pursue her, so yeah that just proved what a selfish bastard he was.

"Ron have you heard a thing I just said?"

Smiling he kissed her forehead. "I'm sorry baby; I must have let my thoughts wonder for moment."

Her crystal green eyes sparkled in amusement. "Yes, well you never let your thoughts wonder so how about you just tell me what's wrong?"

Frowning he released her and pushed up to lean against the headboard. "What makes you think that something is wrong?"

Pushing her hair back she sat up and pulled the sheet around her. Shaking her head she had to wonder exactly how dumb he thought she was. "Ron, I'm not stupid and considering where I work, I hear soldiers talk. I know you are leaving this week, or sooner. So please just let me say this."

Taking a deep breath she reached for his hand and grasped it. "I know that we've only been together for a few months and I know that you will be going to either one theater or the other. I also know that there is something between us more than sex."

Smiling she cocked her head to the side. "Why else would you have found and excuse coming to the commissary every day to see me." She laughed at the faint blush that covered his cheeks, "oh I noticed and I'm just glad you finally decided to ask me out. But that's not what this is about."

Swallowing she decided that like ripping a band aid off it was time to get it out in the open. "I love you Ronald Speirs and I want to know what you feel for me. If you feel the same I could wait forever but if you don't I think it's only fair that you say that to me now."

When she'd finished she sat silently watching his face. For the first time in his life he was thankful that he could keep his emotions hidden. She'd humbled and pleased him with her admission; however he knew that he had to let her go and this was going to be the most painful thing he'd ever done. More was the pity she'd opened the door for him.

Smirking he pulled his hand away and got out of the bed. "Oh babe, I'm sorry if you misunderstood hell I was just looking for a good time." Reaching for his pants he made sure to keep his back to her. Sometimes she saw too much and he couldn't afford for her to see through his bluff.

Behind him he heard the sounds of sheets rubbing against one another and the sound of the silk robe he'd bought her being put on. Closing his eyes he tried to brace himself for what was about to happen, he could only hope to hold this heartless façade long enough to escape.

"Ron. Ron, I want you to look me in the face and tell me that I was nothing more that some woman you just wanted to screw."

Slowly lifting his head he steeled himself, yet it almost wasn't enough when he saw the tears shimmering in her eyes. Frowning he tensed his body and blurted out the biggest lie ever. "Fine, you were nothing more to me than an interesting fuck. Took me way too long to get you into bed…"

He never finished his sentence because her hand had connected with his jaw. The tears that were shimmering were now silently streaming down her face.

"Fine then, get out and I can only wish you the best. But know this, I'll always love you Ron, no matter how bad you've hurt me. Guess that's something I'll have to live with. You figure out what you'll have to live with."

Turning she went into the bathroom and he heard the lock turn. Sighing he rubbed his jaw and hated himself. Quickly he finished dressing and turned to leave but not before he wrote down his parents address and a short note to let her know that just in case there was an unfortunate outcome of their time together he'd like to know.

Inside the bathroom she heard the door close and when she thought he was really gone, she screamed in pain and allowed herself to cry. She'd given everything to this man and he'd looked her in the face and not only lied but hurt her intentionally. She had no idea how long she'd sat on the floor of that bathroom crying, but it was time to stop. Picking herself up, she washed her face and unlocked the door. Today she would take control of her life and she would move on without him.

_Berlin-1956_

Gunter hadn't slept, the nausea he'd felt at the train station had stayed with him all night. He'd shuffled Renee off to bed, closed all the blinds and then spent the night staring off into space. He knew that he had a fifty-fifty chance that she would wake this morning and everything would be normal, or she could start asking questions.

When he heard her bedroom door open, he quickly got up poured her coffee and resumed his seat. He was pleased to see she was dressed for work, even if her face showed the lingering effects from the previous day's migraine.

"Ah she lives. How do you feel this morning?"

Shrugging she picked up her coffee and sipped at the brew. "I've felt worse, but I must go to work. Keeping a normal schedule after what happened yesterday is important."

Gunter nodded and took a deep breath. He loathed asking the question but he needed to understand what had caused yesterday's episode. "So do you want to tell me what happened yesterday?"

She really wasn't sure what had happened and told him as much. The man she'd seen caused something in her to tremble. Without thinking about it too hard she knew in her heart that she knew him.

"Gunter, tell me again about the day you found me?"

Looking up he sighed, "we've been over this darling. I found you frozen in my barn, alone, bloody, and with no winter clothes on. It took days before you even remember your name."

He watched as she unconsciously reached up and rubbed the scar he knew was hidden by her hair. When he saw her frown he reached for her hand. "Don't do this to yourself. Maybe that man could have reminded you of someone, but you've said it yourself, if there had been someone who loved and took care of you they would have come for you then right?"

Smiling she nodded her head and stood. "You're right as always." Leaning down she kissed his cheek. "Have a good day and I'll see you tonight. Maybe we could go out to dinner."

He forced the smile and watched her leave. The minute the door shut the smile fled his face. He'd not lied to her; he'd just left out some details about finding her. He'd known based on her clothing that she had belonged to the Americans, but when he'd found her there, dying and alone…it was like God had given him another chance.

But he knew deep in his heart that the man they'd seen yesterday was not going to rest and he probably was the person who loved and cared for her. The question remained, why did he not come for her then?

**Okay so a little different and I only own Kellie/Renee, Gunter and other characters you don't recognize. No disrespect is meant toward the real men of Band of Brothers. Hope everyone enjoys the story.**


	2. Chapter 2

_Dear darlin' surprised to hear from me?  
Bet you're sittin' drinkin' coffee, yawnin' sleepily _

_How you gonna see me now- Alice Cooper_

**Chapter 2**

_Berlin-1956_

Ron woke slowly and immediately realized his mistake; he'd fallen asleep in the chair. Too many years spent jumping out of aircraft caused normal aches and pains to be compounded, and spending the night leaned to the side in a chair was the last thing he should have done.

Rolling his neck he focused his mind on what his plan should be for finding Kellie. He knew, on some primal level that it had been her at the train station. He just couldn't figure out why, if she had been alive all this time, she'd never tried to find him.

Last night he'd fallen asleep thinking of their time in Tocca. What a fool he'd been? He'd been handed a gift in that woman and he'd pissed it away. How much different would his life had been? Would he have stayed in the Army? Probably not, he'd have been like the other officers in Easy company and left to go home and make babies.

Smirking he picked up his hat, oh and what wonderful babies they could have made. For the first time in twelve years he stepped out the door for work with a smile on his face.

Renee sat at her desk staring at the paper in front of her really not seeing it. Her mind wouldn't focus on her work; instead she tried in a very small way to remember the past.

She knew that she couldn't push too hard, or another migraine would send her crying to a dark room. Yet, there was something there just under the surface that she couldn't reach.

Smiling she thought about the man she'd seen. He had been extremely handsome, tall with dark hair just beginning to show a little gray at the temples. He had been…what was the word she was looking for? Disturbing, interesting or dangerous? Ah, now the later word definitely described him. The way he'd moved was more like a predator than a human, his natural grace showed in every step he'd taken. She also found part of her thrilled at the thought of him pursuing her. Shaking her head she could only wonder at where that thought came from?

He'd also appeared desperate. She'd seen his face when he finally spotted her; he had been shocked, almost as if he'd seen a ghost. When Gunter had begun to pull her away she had been overwhelmed with a feeling of sadness and every part of her being longed to run toward him, not away.

Looking down at her hand she ran a finger along the faint scar on it. The scar itself went much higher than her hand, but she had no idea where it had come from. The edges had been rough and still raw looking twelve years ago and Gunter told her when he found her it already had been there. Where had she been that would cause a scar like that? She'd seen others with scars resembling it, civilians caught in bombing raids during the war. Was that what had happened to her? Had seen been in a bombing raid or was there something else.

Running her finger across it again she squeezed her eyes tight and tried to remember…

_Aldbourne-1943_

Leaning up against the wall she took a deep drag off her cigarette and tried to let the kinks in her back relax. They had arrived late yesterday and now she found herself surrounded by chaos. Not to mention the thing she hated the most; paratroopers. Shaking her head she could only wonder about what exactly she'd done to deserve her own version of hell on earth.

"So what do you think of the new place. At least it's cooler than Italy."

Casting a quick glance at the person next to her she passed the cigarette over and shrugged. "Yeah cooler all right, but I actually would have preferred to remain with Patton. At least the armor guys aren't this full of themselves."

"Yeah, but I never saw any tanker that filled out a uniform as nicely as they do." The giggle that followed the statement caused her to frown. Sometimes she forgot that not everyone felt the same about men as her.

Sandra was still young and had only been with the team since August. She'd missed the actual invasion of Sicily, but she'd seen more than her fair share of action since that time. Neither the Italians nor Germans gave up ground easily.

Finally pulling herself out of her musing, Kellie reached over and grabbed the cigarette back and asked what was so funny.

Sandra sighed and closed her eyes. "You. I mean in the last few months that I've known you; I've hardly ever seen you smile or have any fun. Seriously what happened that was so bad that it made you hate your life?"

Kellie kept her thoughts to herself but she knew she didn't hate her life, but when the love of your life walks out on you and leaves you a wreaked mess, it changes your perspective. However since she knew Sandra was waiting on an answer she gave a short one. "I don't hate my life."

Sandra opened her eyes and looked at Kellie. "Yeah right, you could fool me. But hey since I know that's all I'm going to get, let me change the subject. How's the arm?"

Looking down at her right arm she wiggled her fingers. She'd been hit by shrapnel two weeks ago and it had taken multiple stitches to close the wound that ran from the back of her hand up to her elbow. "Well the fingers still work, even though the tips go numb from time to time, so I guess I'm good. I'm a little sore today, too much lift and pulling. You think you could change the bandage before you leave?"

Sandra turned her body and picked up Kellie's hand studying the bandage intently. "Sure, on one condition."

Kellie didn't like the way this sounded but shrugged, "sure what's the condition?"

"You go to the pub with me and the other girls tonight." Holding up her hand to stop the tirade she knew Kellie was about to unleash. "We are also taking both doctors with us, so you will be protected from the evil paratrooper males. Who knows, maybe just once you'll have some fun?"

Taking her hand back from Sandra she pushed back to her feet. "Fine, let's get this over with."

Turning she walked back into the clinic with Sandra giggling and clapping in joy behind her.

Cocking her head to the side she tried to see if the uniform looked in reality as wrinkled as she thought it did? Nope, not too bad and while she knew Sandra would not be happy at her choice of outfits she really could care less. Tonight she was going into battle and she wanted to have on her armor.

"Oh my God you have got to be kidding me? Seriously Kellie, I know you have normal clothes around here somewhere."

Casting a smug look over her shoulder she watched as Sandra scooted things aside and flopped down on her bed. "Actually I do, however you said we were just going out for drinks. You know just us girls and the doctors, and since the doctors don't really expect anything and I know you girls don't, I don't see a problem with what I'm wearing."

She saw Sandra stick her tongue out at her before she turned her attention back to the mirror. Now if she could just get her hair to lay right…

"Holy crap, you can smile and who the hell is he. Man, he is hot!"

Kellie spun around to see Sandra staring at the photograph in her hand and then staring up at her, comparing her against the woman in the picture. How could she have been so stupid as to leave that laying out? Being around all these paratroopers was making her mind soft.

Reaching over she gently pulled the photo out of Sandra's hand. Looking down she briefly smiled before opening the desk and putting the photo away. "Well as you can see from the picture, I can smile; I've just not had a lot of reason to do so lately. As for whom he is, it really doesn't matter anymore."

She saw Sandra purse her lips and knew what was coming. "Oh, I'm sorry I…when…when did he die?"

Rolling her eyes Kellie took a deep breath and slowly released it. "Let me say again, that he has been gone a long time and it really doesn't matter anymore."

Sandra held up her hands, "you're right, none of my business, but just let me say…" she winced at the glare she was currently receiving from Kellie but finished any way. "The two of you really made a handsome couple."

Kellie glanced at the desk and thought about what Sandra had said. She hadn't been the first person to ever say that they had looked wonderful together, so maybe it was time to bury the hatchet. "Thank you. That's nice of you to say."

Sandra smiled and jumped to her feet. "Okay then, since you have shown you can smile and it's about that time, let's head to the bar."

Shaking her head Kellie picked up her purse and shut the door behind her, honestly how bad could it be?

_Berlin_

Wincing she clenched her hands together and willed the pain to stop. For a very brief moment she had just the tease of a memory in her grasp, only to have it fade way. She hadn't tried to remember anything past Gunter in years; the headaches that came were just too painful.

But something about today was different. Today she could hear the voices in her head, what they were talking about didn't make sense, but a voice in her mind was a huge improvement.

As the pain began to lessen she realized that if she took her time and tried a little each day, those voices, which seemed like a bad radio connection, would eventually become clearer and she would remember her past.

_Ah, yes but have you ever wondered why you couldn't remember? Just think about what horrible thing could have happened that you don't want to remember._

Frowning she realized that it was a great possibility that something so horrible had happened that her mind couldn't deal with it and that's why she couldn't remember. No, she had to remember, she'd been living like this for twelve years and she wanted that missing part of her life back. She could only hope that Gunter would understand.

Ron hung up the phone with a smirk on his face. He'd cajoled and finally threatened but the embassy had promised to look into the woman he'd described. Now he felt like he was getting somewhere.

Yet, that little voice continued to nag at him about what he would do if he ever found her. The first would be a very long list of questions, and the top question would be why she never tried to find him. _Well face it, you weren't exactly warm and loving the last time you saw each other._

Rubbing his head he wished he could disagree with that voice but couldn't. The last time they'd been together…what he'd said…what she'd said…they were terrible to each other. That's what they both got for thinking there would be time after the war to make amends.

Ron promised himself, that if he found her, he would do everything in his power to correct those words and make up for the last twelve years.

_Aldbourne_

She was relieved to see the pub was packed with not only other American nurses, but British nurses as well. This overcrowding of females had allowed her to take a seat in the corner and watch without being asked anything.

For most of the night this had worked and she'd enjoyed the company of the two doctors as they spoke of their wives and the impending delivery of the first child. Sandra and the other nurses with them had all been asked to dance several times and right now she was feeling good about the whole night.

"Okay so what suddenly caused that smile to grace your lips?"

Kellie pulled herself out of the internal monologue and let the smile slide from her face. "What smile? I wasn't aware that I was smiling."

Sandra shook her head, "are you ever going to dance? I mean there have been several men stop by and ask and I'll you've done is glare at them with those freaky ice cold eyes."

"Ouch, well thanks Sandra. That has to be the first time anyone has ever referred to my eyes as freaky. In fact I can remember a time when someone said…"

"I'm sorry to interrupt ladies, but I wonder if you might like to dance?"

Both Kellie and Sandra turned to stare at the man who'd just spoken, but before either of them could speak one of the other nurses spoke up for them.

"Oh you really should take Kellie for a dance; she's been sitting in the corner all night."

Kellie snapped her head around and glared at the girl who in that moment didn't appear to be the least bit concerned but merely smiled at her innocently. Next to her Sandra had found her voice as well.

"Oh yes, Kellie is definitely the one you should dance with." Giving the Kellie a hard nudge to the ribs Sandra continued to smile, "get up Kellie, can't you see the nice man is waiting?"

Kellie turned back to the man standing next to the table to tell him her friends were mistaken, when he held out his hand in a very gentlemen like manner.

"Come on Kellie, I don't bite, well unless you want me to."

Reaching out she took his hand and allowed him to pull her out on the dance floor. When they moved away from the table he leaned slightly and spoke closer to her ear. "Well I know your name is Kellie, I'm Buck Compton and I'm really glad you agreed to dance I've been watching you most of the night."

Kellie pulled back from him and made sure there was space between them which caused Buck to frown. "Well Buck, thank you for asking me; however I just want to warn you that I'm not looking for a husband or boyfriend."

Huh, he'd never had a woman shoot him down before he even got started but he would play along. Searching for a neutral topic he noticed that the hand he was holding was mostly covered in a bandage. Pulling it up between them he raised his eyebrows and nodded toward it. "So what happened?"

Kellie glanced at the hand he was holding between them and shrugged. "Shrapnel wound. Not very nice to look at so I just keep it wrapped."

Buck nodded and pulled her hand closer to his chest. Bending his head he placed a gentle kiss on the back of her hand, then looked up and smiled. "Hmm, seems I remember my mother always saying that a kiss would make anything better."

Shaking her head Kellie couldn't stop the small smile from gracing her lips. "Well I have to admit, the nice gesture if anything made it feel a tiny bit better."

Buck's grin spread and behind her she could hear the very loud whispers of her friends all remarking on what a miracle it was that she smiled.

"So your friends are a very interesting group. Why are they so surprised you smiled? I mean you have a wonderful smile."

Glancing over her shoulder she sighed and turned her attention back to Buck. "Well that's because they rarely see it. It wouldn't be very good for a nurse to go around being cheerful all the time now would it, especially when we are at war."

"Well I never thought of that way, but like I said, it's a shame a woman as pretty as you let's that smile go to waste."

Kellie's smile slipped away quickly and the frown took its place. The music thankfully had stopped and she was able to pull away from him. "Look, save your pretty speeches for these silly girls. I've heard it all and you're wasting your time. Thanks for the dance."

Buck stood watching as she walked away. What had he done? He was being honest when he'd said she was a pretty woman and when she smiled, it lit up her whole face. Turning to head back to his table he decided he wasn't giving up that easily.

Kellie returned to the table and grabbed up her drink without sitting back down. Swallowing the whiskey in one gulp she slammed the glass on the table and glared at each of the females in turn.

"Well ladies, thank you all for putting me in an uncomfortable situation and if you are done with tonight's entertainment, I'm going home."

Sandra jumped to her feet and quickly tried to follow Kellie and explain. "Honestly Kellie we just wanted you to have some fun…you've just worked so hard. I mean come on have you looked at yourself lately?"

Spinning on her heel she started to say something and quickly closed her mouth. She knew Sandra was right, see did look exhausted but hell they all did. Shaking her head, she turned and headed out the door hoping that the cool evening would cool her temper.

"Hey Kellie wait up a minute."

Turning she groaned when she saw who was following her. "Seriously do you not take a polite 'no' as an answer?"

Buck held up a hand in submission. "Hey I just wanted to walk you home. I didn't mean anything by that."

Sighing she shook her head, "you seem like a really nice person so I'm going to try and get this through your head. Leave me alone. I don't want or need your help."

Before she could step away from him he grabbed her arm and looked down at her. She saw the pity in his eyes and hated him for it.

"Who was he?"

Jerking her arm free she stepped away from him, "a paratrooper." Moving quickly she put as much distance as she could between them. Let him make of that what he would.

Buck didn't know how long he'd stood looking down the road at where she'd gone. The gentle touch of a hand on his arm drew him back to the present.

"Don't take it personal. I mean she kind of treats everyone that way, you know, pushing them away I mean."

Buck looked at the woman and frowned. "So do you know what happened?"

"No, and up until this happened I honestly thought he'd died and that was why she was crushed, but obviously he is somewhere alive and kicking."

"Hmm, so it would seem. She seems pretty firm on hating all paratroopers. Guess that's going to leave me out in the cold."

Sandra grinned, "maybe not. Maybe you just need to show her that not all paratroopers are like him, whoever he may be."

Buck nodded, yeah he could handle that.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for the review and all those reading the story. I hope you are enjoying it so far. No disrespect is meant to the real men and I write only for fun based off the mini-series actors.**

**I have to give credit to the title of this story being an Alice Cooper song title. I hope he won't mind…it just seemed to fit.**

_And just like the first time  
We're just strangers again  
I might have grown out of style  
In the place I've been  
- Alice Cooper_

**Chapter 3**

_Berlin-1956_

When she stepped through the door Gunter was immediately by her side. "You look terrible Renee, what happened?"

Patting his hand she forced herself to smile. "Calm down, you know that the day after a migraine is always hard on me. But a good night's sleep and I'll be fine tomorrow, you'll see."

Gunter lifted her chin and studied her eyes. The deep bruising under her eyes was worse than it had been this morning and he knew she'd been trying to remember. Shaking his head sadly he pushed her down onto the couch.

"Why must you lie to me? You know that I only have your best interest at heart and yet you continue to push yourself. Why? After twelve years why do this now? Haven't I always been there for you, isn't that enough?"

She pulled her hand away from his and rubbed her face. "I don't know. I've never had the desire to know before now and…and oh it's just so hard to explain. Can you imagine having your whole life reduced to twelve years?" Her showed the pleading she felt deep inside; she had to make him understand.

"You see, I don't even know when my real birthday is. I don't know who I was or what I was before this happened." Reaching out she cupped his face between her hands. "Please understand, I don't love you any less and never could…but yesterday… seeing that man. He made me want to know and Gunter; I think he could answer those questions."

Gunter pulled her hands away from his face and stood. "Yes well I know I can't stop you, just please for me, try not to push so hard I hate seeing you in pain." Turning he smiled, "let me get you a cup of tea and then you can head to bed for that good night's sleep you wanted."

Renee watched him walk out, unsure if she'd ever sleep well again.

As night closed in, he found himself sitting in the same place he'd awoken that morning, except this time he had a hefty drink in his hand. His head was pounding after a grueling day of dealing with the Russians coupled with the spare thoughts spent thinking about Kellie.

God what a mess this was turning out to be. Maybe he deserved to be teased with this maybe that really hadn't been her. _Yeah right, how many German women have you seen with ice green eyes. Oh yeah and how many drive your libido into overdrive just by looking at them._

Shaking his head he downed the rest of the scotch and stood. Tonight he was going to make it to bed; unfortunately he knew that sleep, if it came, would be plagued by dreams. He just hoped they were of a more pleasant nature, because he had no desire to ever relieve that last meeting.

_She had never been so cold in her life and it had nothing to do with the temperature. She'd not seen him in a month and suddenly he's in front of her, hands clenched at his side._

"_Something you want to tell me?"_

_Frowning she tried harder to focus on his face, something was wrong; he was never his cold to her._

_Licking her lips she straightened her shoulders, "yes I do need to tell you something and I'm not sure how you'll take it."_

_He stepped closer to her; she could see the intensity behind his eyes and even a little anger. "Well just say it. You've always been good at getting to the point."_

_The shiver of fear ran down her spine but she had to tell him, no more lies and hiding. "Well you see…"_

Renee woke up screaming. The tears streaming down her face, yet she found herself warm and safe in her bedroom. She could see the first faint rays of dawn slipping between the curtains.

From down the hall she heard the door slam against the wall and the footsteps rushing toward her. Clutching the covers around her she tried to still her racing heart before Gunter entered, too bad it didn't work.

"Renee my God what happened? Are you okay?"

She let him pull her into his arms and relaxed against him, the pounding behind her eyes was bad, but not migraine level yet. She could only hope that the tears on her cheeks would be chalked up to a headache and nothing else.

"I…I'm sorry I had a dream…or a nightmare. The man from the train station was there and he was so angry with me and I felt like there was something critical I had to tell him…something that…damn it, why can't I remember?"

Gunter pulled her closer and ran his hand up and down her back trying to calm her. Inside he was terrified. He'd known that the man yesterday knew her, yet he would have never dreamed that she would push this hard to remember. He was going to lose her unless he could divert her.

Forcing her to lean back he cupped her face in his hands and looked deeply into her eyes. He could see the fear and worry clearly etched there; yes he had to divert her. Rubbing his thumb across her cheek he smiled. "Now, you must relax, you are going to make yourself ill. Did you ever think that maybe just seeing this man yesterday caused you to pull him into your dreams? You found him attractive no?"

He saw her frown in thought and then smile. "Oh of course, you're right I just pulled him into some weird dream I was having. It probably had nothing to do with a memory at all just random thoughts."

She pushed away from him and gave him real smile. "Well come on, the day is just starting and I'm sure there is something fun we could do today."

As he watched her leave the room he felt the weight in his chest lift. Yes, this plan just might work, because God knew he couldn't stand the pain of losing her.

_Aldbourne-1943_

Kellie propped her head up on one hand while she tried to focus on writing out the supply order. She'd not slept and was now running on sheer will power. She was just thankful no one had been awake this morning to see her when she left.

A coffee cup suddenly appearing in front of her had her lifting her weary head and reaching for it at the same time. Before she thanked whoever had brought it, she closed her eyes and sipped the strong brew.

The masculine chuckle had her eyes snapping open. "Well if only I'd known sooner that the way to your heart was a cup of coffee, I'd have stopped by earlier."

Kellie couldn't help the amused smirk that graced her face. "Wow you just don't quit."

Buck leaned down closer to her smiling, "nope and I'm out to prove a point."

"Oh really, and what would that point be?"

Straightening he gave her a serious look, "I'm out to prove that not all paratroopers are asshole's that throw away the precious gifts they are handed."

Leaning back in her chair she couldn't help but keep the smile as she sipped the coffee. She had to admit he was attractive, ice blue eyes and she estimated his height around 6'1 or 6'2, broad shoulders and blonde hair. He was definitely different that the type of man she'd fallen for.

"So do I pass inspection?"

"Huh? Oh I'm sorry I didn't mean to stare, I was just lost in thought. Thank you for the coffee by the way. Is there anything else I can help you with?"

Buck smiled, "well as a matter of fact, you could go to dinner with me tonight. I promise no pressure just food, how about it?"

Kellie cocked her head to the side and thought about it a minute before finally smiling. "Okay, dinner it is. Just remember no funny stuff."

Placing his hand over his heart Buck gave his most serious look, "I swear no funny business. Well unless you really want to."

_Christmas-1943_

Buck swung her around on the dance floor and pulled her back close to his chest. He loved it when she laughed and right now she was laughing and clinging to him. Not bad for three months of 'take it slow' dating.

With each passing week he'd watched Kellie open herself up to him just a little further. But no matter how opened she appeared the smile never seemed to light up her eyes. Sandra had told him that she'd seen a picture of Kellie and the mystery man together and her eyes had glowed with happiness. Buck had a strong feeling that he'd never see that look in her eyes. Whoever that guy had been, he'd destroyed something precious. He just hoped he never met him.

"Okay big guy, no day dreaming. Remember me you're very beautiful and fun date."

Laughing he leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. "Oh baby, you I could ever forget."

"Mmm, well maybe if you are good, Santa might have one of his elves drop off an early present."

He swept her up off her feet and carried her toward the door, "well then by all means let's get out of here."

Laughing Kellie wiggled until he finally let her slide out of his arms. "Not so fast hero, there is a party going on and I think we should stay and enjoy it."

Kissing her again he led her over to the table they were sharing with another couple and whispered promising things in her ear as they went.

Ron was bored and irritated all at the same time, which currently made him horrible company. He'd been required by his commander to show up at the Christmas party and that had been the last thing he wanted. If he'd been asked, he'd rather have stayed in his room, drunk his scotch and slept for about forty-eight hours.

Glancing around the room he saw several officers that he recognized, along with several ladies from the hospital. Everyone seemed to be wrapped up in this holiday spirit crap, and he supposed most would be spending the night together in some secluded spot.

_I wonder how Kellie is. Will she be celebrating with her husband or worse yet, husband and children?_

Shaking his head he knocked back the rest of his scotch and turned for another. She was the last person he should be thinking about. He had to maintain his focus. Turning back to the dance floor he saw Compton lift the girl he was with up in his arms and head to the door.

Nothing unusual about that, until the sound of her laughter carried to him across the room, and then he took notice. The distinct laugh had his body tightening in response. There was no way two women laughed like that. Twisting around the people between him and Compton, he saw the woman lean her head against his shoulder as the moved back to the table.

The dark auburn hair was hauntingly familiar. But there was just no way it was Kellie, he'd just been thinking about her too much lately and that was why he forcing her image on another woman.

Watching the table he kept hoping that she would turn so he could see her face. He knew that when that happened, it wouldn't be her and he could carry on. Besides, he still had that fifth of scotch that could kill anything.

He watched as another Easy company officer, Welch he thought, approached and caused the couple to turn and face his direction. Ron was so focused on the face he'd seen a thousand times in his dreams that he didn't realize what he'd done to one of his fellow officers drew his attention.

"Christ Ron, what the hell are you doing?"

Pulling his eyes away from her face he turned on the man with a snarl, "what are you talking about."

The guy grabbed his wrist and pulled his hand up. "This Ron, you just crushed a damn glass. You need to head over to the hospital, this is gonna need stitches."

Pulling his hand away from the man he pulled the glass out of his hand and reached for a towel from the bar. "It's fine. If it's still bleeding later I'll stop by." Looking back to the last place he'd seen her, he saw that Compton and her were leaving.

Turning he made to follow them only to have another hand on his arm stop him. Turning he was ready to snarl another comment when he realized it was his commander holding his arm.

"Ron, I don't know what's going on with you, but we jump in two days. Get that hand taken care of I can't afford to lose you."

Not trusting himself to speak he nodded and turned back toward the door. He knew that following the couple was probably the worst form of torture he could endure, but he had to be sure it was her.

_Yeah keep dreaming hero, that was her and you know it, looks like she's found another man to keep her bed warm. Hmm, did you really expect a woman like her to spend their life alone?_

He was silently trailing them, anger and jealousy driving him forward. Kellie's head was resting on Compton's shoulder, his arm around her waist. Ron knew exactly what it felt like to hold her close and he wanted nothing more than to rush forward and demand his rights.

A voice sounding suspiciously like Kellie's echoed through his mind, _rights, huh what rights big guy. You're the one who walked out on me; you gave up any rights to me._

Clenching his hands he winced when the pain throbbing through his cut hand brought him back to reality. Ahead of him the couple had stopped in front of a modest home, they were too wrapped up in their kissing to ever notice the shadow behind them move a little closer.

Buck's kiss was warm and passionate and deep inside Kellie wished she could find the passion for him he felt for her. She'd tried to hard over the last few months to muster more than nice feelings; but it didn't work, she was still left cold.

Breaking the kiss she ran her hand down his cheek and she heard him sigh.

"You're about to tell me it's time for me to go aren't you?"

"Buck I'm sorry but I have to work tomorrow and well…I just don't think this is the right time."

She felt more than heard his frustrated groan. "Yeah, well when will it be the time? Kellie, you know I care for you and we've played this your way, but darlin', I just want to be with you."

Sighing she pulled her hand from his cheek and stepped back from his embrace. This was exactly why she'd never gotten close to someone; they expected things she wasn't sure she could offer.

"I'm sorry Buck, I care for you very much, but I'm not ready to go that far…and if I'm being honest with both of us, I'm not sure I ever will be."

"Baby, I know he hurt you but I'm not him. Haven't I proven to you that I could be the man you need? You're not even giving me a chance here."

Kellie felt her anger rise, she knew what this was about and it had nothing to do with feelings. "Really, I've not given you a chance. Well let me tell you something, I played the whore for one man and it ended horribly, I'm not about to play the whore again. You don't like it; I'm sure any other woman in England would be glad to fuck you. Good night."

Spinning she was in the door and slamming it in his face before he could move. Laying his hand on the door he thought about knocking and apologizing for everything she'd misunderstood. Shaking his head he knew if he knocked she wouldn't answer and even if she did, she was too hurt and angry to listen. He'd go and talk to her tomorrow, besides he still had her Christmas present to deliver.

Ron stepped out of the shadows and watched Compton walk down the road. He'd been shocked at how Kellie acted, that definitely wasn't the woman he'd left in Georgia. This person was colder and harder, and he wasn't sure he liked the new Kellie.

_Yeah well tough, you made her this way, live with it._

Ron shook his head that little voice was really starting to piss him off and here he'd been thinking he'd killed his conscious off.

He laid his hand on the door like Compton had and thought about seeing her again. Would it be the best thing for either of them…probably not, but since when had he done the right thing.

Glancing at his hand he saw it had bled through the towel and was leaving drops on the stoop. Smiling he turned and headed down the road in the same direction he'd watched Compton go. Provence had given him the perfect opportunity to see her again, yet he knew the reception he was going to get would be less than warm.


	4. Chapter 4

**No disrespect is meant to the real Band of Brothers. I hope everyone who is reading is enjoying so far…trust me we are going to get a little more exciting.**

_How you gonna see me now  
Since we've been on our own  
Are you gonna love the man _

_How You Gonna See Me Now- Alice Cooper_

**Chapter 4**

_Aldbourne_

Ron walked into the hospital as early as he dared. He'd tried to check if Kellie was at work, but couldn't confirm she was there. He was going to have to take a chance.

He'd spent the night with his bottle and keeping his hand bleeding so the wound wouldn't start to close. That was the last thing he needed. But now he was in severe pain and knew it would hurt like hell when he jumped in two days.

This morning the hospital was quiet with only the doctor sitting at the desk. "Uh, excuse me; I was wondering if someone could help me?"

The doctor looked up over the top of his glasses and caught sight of Ron's bloody hand. "Well son, how exactly did you manage that?"

Ron tried to look embarrassed as he explained that he'd knocked a glass off the table and instead of just letting it drop, had tried to grab it. Unfortunately the result was a crushed glass in his hand and the resulting damage.

The doctor grunted and pushed to his feet. "Alright then, we'll take a look but I'm sure that you'll need stitches." The doctor opened the door behind him and waved Ron inside.

"Go ahead and have a seat on the table, I need to grab some things, get some help and then we can get started."

Ron sat on the table and sighed. He had no idea if Kellie would walk in with the doctor or not, but he knew that his hand had to be taken care of.

From the other side of the door he could hear the doctor talking to someone and the answering voice was feminine but that's all he could make out. However on the chance it was Kellie, he dropped his head just as the door opened.

"Alright Lieutenant let's see what we have."

Ron kept his head down as the doctor un-wrapped his hand and whistled. "Well that will definitely need stitches. Kellie I need you to lay out the suture kit and then come hold the Lieutenant's hand for me." The doctor nudge Ron's leg and laughed, "well look at it this way son, this isn't going to feel good but you get a pretty lady to hold your hand."

Ron had to grind his teeth to keep from commenting. Oh he knew this was not going to feel good and yes it was a plus to have her hold his hand. But he knew if he spoke before this was done, she'd probably run screaming from the room. There was no way she wouldn't recognize his voice.

Beside him Kellie chuckled and he saw her swat at the doctor's arm and then turn to face him. "Ok Lieutenant, hold out your hand and let me get this cleaned up."

Ron held out his hand and felt her take it in both of hers. One hand supported his as the other picked up the antiseptic.

"I'm sorry but this is probably going to sting a lot, I'll try to be quick."

With the first swipe of the alcohol he moaned in the back of his throat earning him another 'I'm sorry' from Kellie. Her touch was gentle but with a cut that deep it really didn't matter how soft she tried to be.

"Okay doc, he's ready."

While the doctor injected the local anesthesia Ron smirked at the fact Kellie hadn't released his hand. Man he had to be sick just to enjoy the feeling of her touching him while they sewed up his hand.

As the doctor began to stitch his hand Ron felt Kellie shift and her body pressed in closer contact with his leg. It also brought the sweet smell of her shampoo. He honestly didn't realize he'd made a noise until Kellie laid her other hand on his thigh. "It's okay I know this doesn't feel good but just a few more and he'll be finished."

Ron nodded and dropped his attention to her hand lying on his thigh. This time he bit back the moan that threatened to escape. He just wished things were different because just a little higher and then….

Pulling his attention away from the proximity of her hand and actually focusing on it, he noticed something that caused him to frown. The back of her hand had at least twenty black stitches visible and it appeared they went higher than her sleeve. What the hell had happened to her?

It was during that moment he came very close to giving himself away before he was ready. When he shot a quick look at her he noticed she was watching the doctor and not him.

In a word, she looked horrible. The deep shadows under her eyes belied several nights of little to no sleep. What the hell was Compton doing? He wasn't taking care of her like he should that was a definite.

_Yeah and like you ever took care of me like you should have._

"Well there we go. I'll just get this…."

"Doc, we need you out here. One of these damn fool paratroopers thought jumping off a roof without a parachute would be fun."

"Coming. Okay Kellie, just put the antibiotic ointment on there and wrap it. Lieutenant, wear gloves when you jump and come back in a week."

Ron heard the door close at the same time Kellie dropped his hand and moved away from him. When her boots moved from his field of vision he raised his head to actually look at her.

Her back was to him and he knew he needed to say something, otherwise when she turned and saw him, she'd drop whatever was in her hand and that would cause someone to come investigate.

Taking a deep breath he tried something neutral. "Nurse I just want to thank you. Your touch is very gentle."

He heard the snort she gave and smirked. The woman he'd known would never have snorted.

"Yeah well that's nice of you to say, however doc has your hand so numb I could have stood on it and you wouldn't have noticed."

Ron frowned. There had been no reaction to his voice, she still had no idea who was sitting behind her…this was not going to go well. But since she still seemed busy putting things away and gathering what she'd need to bandage his hand, he decided to ask a few questions.

"So how long have you been a nurse?"

She shrugged, "oh I think it's been almost a year now. I actually arrived in time to invade Sicily. Oh yeah, now Patton really knew how to show a girl a good time." She laughed at her own joke and continued what she was doing without ever suspecting her world was about to fall apart.

He cleared his throat and decided to ask a more serious question, "so what makes a woman like you leave the comforts of home to join the war? Isn't there a special man waiting on you?" Had he not been watching her closely, he'd have missed the tightening of her shoulders.

"You know, you ask a lot of questions Lieutenant. Now let's get that hand wrapped and you can head off and enjoy Christmas. I hear the mess hall is really going to put on a feast today."

Ron felt his whole body tense. She still didn't realize it was him but when she turned there would be no hiding. He expected one of two responses; fight or flight. Either way, he was ready.

Kellie picked up the ointment and bandages, her mind already moving to lunch. She'd missed breakfast and hadn't slept very well because of the argument with Buck; maybe she really had been too hard on him. Shaking her head she moved to the Lieutenant's side and laid out the items to wrap his hand.

She couldn't help but think of Ron at times like this. The Lieutenant's voice had been smooth and deep and reminded her of him, but then again maybe it was just this stupid holiday that had her thinking of him.

It had taken all his willpower not to reach for her when she turned. He'd only seen her face in a side glance, but full on it was scary. She'd lost weight and her face seemed to have aged ten years, what had happened to make her look this way.

Kellie sighed and forced a smile, it wasn't the Lieutenant's fault that she was in a funk that was hers and she was going to put an end to right now. "Okay here we go."

Picking up his hand she applied the ointment and quickly wrapped it in gauze. She felt his stare but didn't look up. She just wanted this over with. "There you go Lieutenant. I know the doctor told you to come back in a week, but if you have any issues after the jump, just come and see me."

Ron swallowed hard and like a man jumping off a cliff, he leapt into the unknown. "I'll do that Kellie." He knew the when he said her name that she was aware of something different. Her hands had stilled and it appeared like she wasn't breathing.

"Kellie, please answer me?"

She had to be dreaming there was no way in hell that God could ever be this cruel to her. Maybe she'd know earlier when she touched him, but that suspicion was confirmed when he spoke her name. She didn't even notice the tears that were leaking from her eyes.

"I'm going to walk out of this room and we are never speaking of this again."

Ron jumped off the table and moved quickly to put himself between her and the door. "No Kellie, that's not how we're going to do this."

When she realized he was between her and the door she reached out and put a hand on his chest. She couldn't even raise her eyes to look at him; there was no way he'd ever know she was crying. "Please Ron, let me go, we've said all there was to say…please Ron."

The broken tone of her voice almost had him moving, but he knew if she walked out the door he'd never get this chance again.

Reaching up he wrapped his hand around her forearm with the intent of moving it. Unfortunately he'd forgotten his hand was numb and he'd grabbed her injured arm.

Feeling Ron's hand close around her arm sent a flash of panic through her. The overwhelming need to put distance between them caused her to wretch her arm free. But she'd misjudged how tightly Ron had gripped her and she felt the rip of the stiches and the stinging as the blood began to flow.

Because he's hand was numb he didn't realize the grip he'd had on her until her cry of pain caused him to release her. He saw her fall back against the table, her right arm clutched to her chest the uniform sleeve already beginning to darken from the blood. Her eyes were tightly closed and he could hear her labored breathing as she tried to control the pain.

"Oh God Kellie I'm so sorry let me…"

"Stop Ron, please just leave, how much more pain do you have to cause me?"

He wasn't happy but he stepped away from her. He knew she was about to fall apart and that if he witnessed that, she'd never forgive him.

Kellie kept her eyes closed and every muscle in her body tense. She could feel her body about to give out on her from the shock it had just taken. She heard the door open and close, the sound of him boots fading as he walked away.

Slowly opening her eyes a wave of dizziness overcame her and the gray began to seep into her vision. Reaching out she tried to grab something to stop her fall. The last sound she heard was the metal of the instruments hitting the floor, a bright flash of pain and then nothing but silence and darkness.

As she slowly returned to consciousness she became aware of how silent it was. Surely they'd not left her here all day. The next thing that she noticed was the throbbing pain from her head and arm.

Moaning she tried to reach for her head only to have a soft hand stop her. "Kellie stop, its okay but you need to lie still. You've really had us worried."

Focusing on the voice her brain finally found the name it was searching for, "Sandra?"

"Yeah sweetie, it's me. Can you open your eyes for me?" When she saw Kellie's eyes finally open to slits she smiled. "There you are do you think you could drink something?"

Kellie nodded and let Sandra support her while she drunk the cool water. When she'd drunk her fill, she felt like she could finally focus enough to ask questions. "What happened and where am I?"

She saw the frown that Sandra was giving her and sighed…they didn't know either. Great!

"Uh Kellie we were hoping you could tell us. Doc came back to look for you and found you collapsed. You tore the stitches in your arm, which by the way he couldn't redo, so that is not gonna be a pretty scar and your head was bleeding. What is the last thing you remember?

"How long have I been out?"

Sandra sighed and began to clean up around her, "you've been out for about three days. Doc thought you'd be okay and felt most of it was from exhaustion. Hell the last time he saw you, you were taking care of that Lieutenants hand."

Biting back on the desire to groan the whole reason she'd been on the flow came rushing back; Ron. Damn him.

"Any way, Buck's going to be real happy when he hears you are awake. He's been by every day. I think he missed you and I know he feels bad about the disagreement you two had."

Kellie's eyes flew open when Sandra mentioned Buck. "How exactly do you know about that? What is he sharing every private moment with you?"

"Wow, calm down. I don't have a clue about details, he just said that the two of you had disagreed and he wanted to say he was sorry, that's all. Oh I almost forgot, that Lieutenant that cut his hand stopped by yesterday as well. He said to tell you he was sorry and maybe he'd stop by later."

Kellie started to push herself up only to have Sandra push her back down. "Kellie stop you just woke up what are you doing?"

"I'm trying to get up and get dressed. I've got some things to take care of and you are standing between me and getting them done."

Sandra shook her head, "you know sometimes I don't understand you. I mean here you are with two gorgeous looking men after you and you don't want to talk about them you just want to go to work…what gives?"

Kellie forced herself back up and glared at Sandra. "What gives is I have a job to do and I need to get the hell out of Aldbourne. Oh why am I talking to you about it, you wouldn't understand."

Once she'd gained her feet she looked around and began to pull her clothing together with the intent of getting dressed. There had to be somewhere else in Europe that needed nurses…preferably somewhere that didn't have paratroopers in it.

"Kellie please wait just a minute. I do understand and a little better than you think. I might be simple and love men, but because of that I pay attention. Did you really think I wouldn't notice the Lieutenants resemblance to the man in the picture you hide?"

How could those few words make her feel so ill? Dropping back down to the bed she finally stopped and looked at her friend, "okay so you noticed. Now what?"

"Kellie I know he hurt you." Sandra continued on like she hadn't heard the snort from her, "and because of that I want to help you. We are moving some nurses to Uppottery now, they've not said why but you can figure it out. So why don't you go ahead and leave with that group."

Nodding she realized it was the perfect idea. She wouldn't have to explain the reasons for wanting to leave England but it would put distance between her and Ron. "Great, when do I leave?"


	5. Chapter 5

**No disrespect is meant to the real Band of Brothers. I hope everyone is enjoying the story.**

_Everyone I know  
goes away  
In the end _

_Hurt- Johnny Cash_

**Chapter 5**

_Uppottery-1944_

May had finally arrived and with it a happier Kellie. The cold and dismal winter was behind her, metaphorically and literally. She'd made up her mind when she boarded that troop truck that things here would be better.

She'd left Aldbourne in the middle of the night, sneaking out like a thief, but she'd had no choice. Staying for Buck wasn't option, especially with Ron there.

Uppottery had been a welcome change with almost no paratroopers, but many civilians in need of care. For the first time since leaving Georgia, she could just be a nurse.

Today was going to be an exciting day, and she'd gotten up early and finished all her rounds just to be free. Sandra had written that she and the doctors would be coming, no reason given, just told to pack and move. Maybe this was the sign of what they'd all been waiting for; the invasion of Europe.

The sound of trucks greeted her as she stepped outside. The warm smile that she had been wearing slipped away as the first truck passed her loaded with paratroopers, all of them wearing the Screaming Eagle patch, the same patch worn by both Buck and Ron.

"I should have told you but I didn't really know what to say."

Kellie closed her eyes and dropped her head. The hell she'd escaped had followed her, maybe Dante was right, and there were different levels of hell. "Don't worry Sandra, it's not your fault and we knew this could happen."

Her friend bumped her shoulder in a show of support. "If it makes you feel better only Buck knows you're here and oh it wasn't my fault, he saw the letter on my desk."

"Yeah? Well I guess that couldn't be helped, as long as he doesn't know."

Sandra winced but kept quiet. There was no reason to warn Kellie, it wouldn't do any good. Ron knew she was here, the fact he'd threatened her with bodily harm might have done something to sway her confession.

"You know, let's go get a drink and I can tell you all about this lovely doctor I just meet. I really hope he stays with us."

Kellie let Sandra wrap her arm up in hers. There was no reason to worry about things she couldn't change…she'd deal with Buck when he showed up.

The very next day the rumors about a possible invasion began. You couldn't get a cup of coffee without hearing the latest speculation of dates or who would actually go.

There wasn't a doubt in Kellie's mind that it was going to happen and soon. Every day she counted the number of trucks that went to the airfield, along with the number of planes that took off and returned. Without fail, the number of planes that returned was always higher than what departed. Pretty soon they were going to run out of room to park all of them.

"So what's up with you and Buck?"

Kellie shook herself mentally and smiled at Sandra. "Hmm, well not much. He tries to stop by or spend time when he can. I'm just concerned that he's going to…oh never mind."

Sandra nudged her hard in the ribs, "Oh no you don't. You don't get to start a sentence like that and then just stop. What's going on?"

"Fine! I just think he's going to start pushing for something of a more permanent commitment. Especially with what appears to be a looming invasion."

"What's wrong with that? I mean he's damn near perfect." The frown on Sandra's face clearly indicated she didn't understand.

"Never mind, it's not important. Look I'm meeting him for lunch; do you think you could cover for me?"

Sandra gave her a smirk, "sure I can. Oh just don't do anything I wouldn't do."

Laughing Kellie called back over her shoulder, "well that doesn't leave much out now does it."

Through mutual agreement they'd skipped lunch and went straight to where Kellie was staying. The land lady, Mrs. Billingsly was working today so they wouldn't be bothered, it was the only place they could ever be truly alone.

Buck pulled her closer into his side relishing in this peaceful moment. Their lovemaking had decreased since moving to here and any chance to be alone with Kellie he'd take it. Once again he had nothing to complain about, she was a warm and caring lover but deep inside he knew she was missing something; passion for him.

When she pushed up beside him, he felt her breast brush his side and was instantly hard, God would he never get enough of this woman. Turning he had every intention of kissing her when she put her hand on his chest to stop him.

"We need to talk."

The serious look on her face killed his libido and sent a shiver of panic down his spine. When women said things like that your chances of being dumped just went up. He could only hope that she would listen to him before she completely closed the door between them.

Forcing himself to smile he brushed her hair away from her face, "okay what do we need to talk about?"

"Buck you know just like I do that the invasion is coming and well I just want you to know that I care about you very much."

Some of the tension he'd been feeling slipped away. He'd hoped for more than caring, but he had hope that he could build on that. "Great, I mean that's really good because I'm crazy about you. I know you'll be worried but hey the war should be over by Christmas and then we can start talking about the future."

Moaning Kellie pushed away from him and left the bed. Grabbing up her clothes she tried to figure out how she could make him understand. Turning she held her hands out in a pleading gesture. "See that's the thing I'm trying to say. I care for you very much, but it's not enough for you to hold your hopes on building a future with me. Please try and understand."

Buck got to his feet and quickly dressed so he would be on equal footing with her. It also gave him a chance to think about what he wanted to say. When he felt he was ready he turned and walked to where she was standing. Resting his hands on her shoulders he tried to smile.

"Kellie, I know that you've been hurt and you're right, this isn't the time or place to really have this discussion. However, I hope that you won't give up on us and will consider having this discussion again after this war." He quickly leaned forwarded and brushed a kiss across her lips. "I've got to go, but just think about what I've said."

He was gone before she could say anything. Looking around the bedroom she couldn't stop the chuckle from escaping. Why was it that every serious conversation she'd ever had occurred in a bedroom.

By the time she returned to the hospital it was late afternoon and the final planes were taking off. Stopping she stared up at them as they flew over wondering who was on board. None of them knew who was scheduled for practice jumps and it could easily be any of the airborne units, to include the British.

Sighing she headed inside to relieve Sandra who at the moment appeared to be missing in action. Frowning she glanced over at the duty roster and saw that Sandra's doctor was currently on duty as well. Smirking she looked down the hall at the supply closest. She had two choices and both of them would be funny for her, but one would cause less hurt feeling.

Walking back to the door she'd just entered through she opened it back up and slammed it hard. Hearing a muffled oomph and other such noise from the closest she walked around the desk and sat down appearing to review charts. The sound of boots quickly coming down the hall drew her attention.

"Oh wow you're back, uh great let me walk you through everything that happened."

Kellie bit the inside of her lip and reached across the desk and flipped an undone button on Sandra's shirt. "That's okay but I think you might want to re-button your shirt. I think you missed one or two."

When Sandra's face turned beet red Kellie couldn't hold back the laughter any longer. "Look just head on home. I'll stay a little later and I'll see you tonight."

"Thanks Kellie."

Sandra was gone before she could even reply and the muffled voices from down the hall told her that the good doctor was trying to convince Sandra to finish his little exam.

Kellie felt as if she'd just fallen asleep when someone was pounding at her door. Forcing herself up out of a very nice warm bed she opened the door to find a very flustered Sandra.

"Oh thank God you are awake. They need us and they said to dress warm."

"What, who needs us."

Sandra blew out and exasperated breath. "They are the Army, why they didn't say however, they were kind enough to say that we would be gone for a while."

Nodding, she quickly moved back into the room and began to dress. One thing she'd learned is when you were told to move you did it an in a hurry.

When her, Sandra and several doctors and nurses were loaded on the truck with another following they started down the road out of Uppottery and toward the coast. Shaking her head she glanced at Sandra and saw the same worried expression on her face.

"Where are they taking us?"

The doctor across from them sighed and closed his eyes. "I heard there was a training accident. I'd get some rest if I was you, these things can be bad."

Exchanging looks with Sandra, she could only hope that there would be no one she knew among the injured.

The sun was just beginning to rise when the trucks finally left the road and started across a field. The smell of burning fuel filled the air causing the occupants of the truck to cast nervous looks at each other.

Kellie took a deep breath and tried to force herself to breathe through her mouth. She'd recognized the smell overpowering the smell of fuel. A couple of the doctors she'd been with in Italy also recognized the smell of burning flesh. Whatever they were about to find it was going to be very bad.

When the truck stopped they all grabbed their med kits. There was still a chance of survivors.

The transport plane appeared to have broken apart when it hit the ground and the field was covered in airplane parts and bodies. Turning her back on the scene behind her she gathered the nurses around her.

"Move quickly and check every body, regardless of how bad it looks, there is still a chance we might find someone alive."

As they went their separate ways Kellie tried to brace herself at what she might find, but nothing prepared her for what she saw. The Screaming Eagle patch stood out in stark relief against the burnt body. Swallowing hard she knew she had to touch him. When she didn't find a pulse she pushed back to her feet and sighed. She just realized that any of these men might be Ron. She could only pray that he wouldn't be among them.

The ride back was much more solemn than the ride out had been, but it was far from silent. They found no one alive and she currently had a bag full of ID tags that would have to be processed.

The younger nurses had huddled together crying. Casting a glance their way she had to force back a comment, they were going to have to get tougher before the invasion or they'd never make it.

When they arrived she quickly grabbed Sandra and told her to take the nurses back to their rooms. "There is no way I can put up with them sniffling when I'm trying to work."

Sandra nodded, "that's fine. I'll get them settled and come back to help you."

"No just let me do this. I can do it faster with only me and I can concentrate. But thanks for the offer. I'll catch up with you later."

Sandra watched Kellie head toward the clinic and was filled with indecision. She was probably the only one who noticed that Kellie had lost all her color when she saw the patches on those men, but she knew how stubborn Kellie was. She'd drop these girls and then come back to help her friend.

When she'd finished the final casualty card all she wanted to do was drop her head on the desk and cry. So many men lost and the stress, God they could have been Ron. The whole scene today had just reinforced the fact she could lose Ron.

_Well what about Buck? Why no concern for him?_

Groaning she grabbed the empty bags and headed for the supply room. She needed to finish this last task and then she could sleep, if sleep would come.

When the last one was filled and put away Kellie looked around the supply room desperate for something else to do. She could feel her eyes tearing up and her throat closing. Sitting down on a crate she dropped her head in her hands and cried.

She never realized someone was in the room with her until someone pulled her to her feet and wrapped their arms around her. The warm woodsy smell engulfed her and even though she knew it was Ron, she took the comfort that was being offered.

"Shh, it's okay baby. I came as soon as I could, let it out."

She had no idea how long they stood there, Ron softly rubbing her back and just holding her. Finally the tears seemed to be at an end and she pushed back from him. "Thank you."

He smiled and wiped the tears from beneath her eyes with his thumbs. "You don't have to thank me and you don't have to be so hard. I know today was hard on you."

Stepping back she shook her head, "it's my job Ron, hard or not. Now can I do something for you?"

The smirk on his face should have warned her, "well since you ask I wouldn't mind…"

"Stop it Ron. You need to leave."

"No way Kellie I came to see you…"

"Yes and now you have so you can…"

"Damn it woman stop cutting me off. I came to see you and…what the hell."

Before she could react he'd pulled her against his chest, one hand behind her neck and his lips crushing against her.

He ran his tongue against the seam of her lips seeking entrance. She was a stiff as a board, but the minute her lips cracked he pulled her closer and let his tongue explore her mouth. When her hands stopped clutching his jacket and slid up and around his neck he moaned into her mouth.

Kellie was on fire. This is what she'd been missing for so long. Ron's arms around her his lips caressing hers. God she wanted him in the worst way.

Ron released her lips and slowly kissed his way down to her neck. Her soft sighs whispering his name made him so hard it hurt.

"Oh god Ron, please don't stop. I've missed you so much."

Sliding his hand down her side he lifted her leg up the outside of his so he could rock himself between her legs.

"Yes Ron please harder please…just a little more…"

_Berlin_

Ron jolted awake. His heart was racing, his body covered in a light sweat and he was hard. Dropping back on the bed he tried to think of anything other than the dream. Dream hell, the memory of what they did in the supply closest. He'd gotten her off just by kissing her and rocking against her.

Rubbing his hand across his face he jolted again when the phone beside the bed rang.

"Speirs"

"Sir, this is Sergeant Downs. We just got a call and they need you in Frankfurt. I'll be there in thirty minutes to pick you up. Oh and sir, you need to pack for a month."

Groaning he rolled over to look at the clock. "Okay then thirty minutes. Did they say what this was about?"

"No sir, just said you were gonna be gone a while."

Thanking his Sergeant he hung up the phone and closed his eyes. Looks like his search for Kellie would have to wait until he returned.


	6. Chapter 6

_I wear this crown of thorns  
Upon my liar's chair  
Full of broken thoughts  
I cannot repair  
Hurt- Johnny Cash_

**Chapter 6**

_Berlin_

Gunter glanced around the park. This time of morning it was still cool enough to keep the young children inside. Soon they would begin to harass their harried mothers to be free and go play. But for now he was alone. Alone and waiting with few around to see what would happen here.

It had been a twist of very good luck that offered him this opportunity. The first came as Renee was called away to travel with an embassy official. Then the call from Michael; the one person in a position to overhear conversations, and he'd just overheard a critical one.

Gunter and Michael had met in school and had stayed in contact with one another even throughout the war. He'd been the one to get Renee the job at the embassy. But right now the most important thing Michael could do for him was to confirm who searching for her.

"Good morning my friend."

Gunter jerked in surprise. He'd not seen Michael walk up and that was aggravating. "Good morning for whom? We could have met somewhere warmer don't you think?"

Michael sat down beside him and smiled. "No, not with what I have to tell you. If someone saw us speaking…well let's just say the Russians are making things difficult for the Americans and they are a little testy. But that's beside the point, so do want to hear the information I have?"

Gunter sat up straighter, "you know who is looking for Renee?"

"I do, though I don't think you'll like it. The man is Lieutenant Colonel Ronald Speirs; he is the American liaison officer to the Russians."

"Yes well I knew he was an American officer when I saw him at the train station, but what exactly am I not going to like?"

Michael pulled out a folder from under his jacket, "Well let's see, he put in a call to the embassy asking them to look for a woman fitting Renee's description. He seems very determined to find her. The good news is he has been called away to Frankfurt for a month at least…that will buy you some time."

Michael stopped and turned to fix his friend with a hard stare. "What exactly aren't you telling me Gunter? Why would is there an American officer after Renee?"

Gunter closed his eyes. He had a plan but for it to work, he still needed Michael to help him. "Come by the house tonight and I will try to explain everything. Please Michael; I need your help more than ever."

Closing the folder Michael got to his feet. "Gunter I'll try but without knowing everything…" he shrugged and continued, "you need to know the man looking for her has many rumors attached to him. They say he is fearless and driven. Most of the men who spoke of him had fear and great respect in their voices. They say rumor has it something happened to him during the war to make him this heartless beast. I tell you this just so you understand; he won't stop. Now you have to tell me why he wants Renee?"

Gunter stood beside his friend and put a hand on his shoulder. "Just come by the house and I'll explain the whole story."

Michael stared down at the items before him. The story Gunter had told him was almost impossible to believe, until he had provided the evidence to back up his claims; an American ID tag with the name Kellie R. Macintyre on it and a stained photo showing Renee being held by a man in a loving embrace.

Glancing up at his friend he tried to find the words to ask the questions, but in the end just blurted out the first thing that crossed his mind. "My God Gunter how could you?"

"Michael I know you think I'm a terrible person but I saved her life and came to love her as a daughter. I just couldn't let her go."

Michael dropped his head into his hands. "Oh Gunter, do you realize what you've done?" Reaching out he picked up the photo and pointed to the man in it. "That is a young Ronald Speirs, now you see why he is after her."

"Damn it man, don't you think I know this? I thought I recognized him at the train station and then Renee…"

"Kellie. Her name is Kellie and you've kept her from the man who must have loved her for the last twelve years."

Gunter jumped to his feet, how Michael dared accuse him when he didn't understand the whole story. "She cried that man's name in her sleep, never remembering it in the morning and yet he never came. If he loved her so much why didn't he come looking for her? Oh what, you have no answer for that eh?"

"No Gunter I don't have an answer, but I think you know why he didn't come but won't share that with me. However I will find out, but for now I'll keep your secret, even if it is just to keep Renee from being hurt."

Gunter relaxed and dropped back into his chair, "thank you, even if you do it only for her, thank you."

"Let me ask you one thing before I go, does she remember anything?"

Gunter shook his head, "she remembers voices sometimes…pieces of conversations but nothing she can put together."

Michael nodded and headed for the door, "keep it that way. I'll be in touch with you when I know he's scheduled to return."

Gunter had planned for this; he just never thought he would have to go through with it. But ever since they'd come to Berlin he'd felt as if he were living on borrowed time. However, he was a careful man and planned for any situation.

Picking up the phone he dialed the number on the card. The voice on the other end of the phone was soft and smooth.

"Yes, this is Gunter. I'll need your services sooner than we thought. Will you be available?"

"Hmm, well that depends on what time of day or what day you need me. But then again you've paid me well, I'll make myself available whenever you require."

"Good, expect a call soon."

Hanging up the phone he went back to the table and picked up the photo and ID tag. He could only hope that his plan would stop Speirs from searching. If it didn't it would only be a matter of time before he found them or Renee remembered.

_Yes but when she remembers, you've left out some details old man. That she will never forgive._

He could only hope that saving her life would be enough to gain her forgiveness. Glancing down at the photo anyone could clearly see the love they'd had for one another. No she would never forgive him for keeping them apart.

_Uppottery-June 1944_

"Well I guess this is the last of it. I'll go load this on the truck."

Sandra watched as Kellie walked out the door and frowned. She wasn't sure what had happened after they came back from the plane crash but Kellie was different. She was quieter and well if she was truthful…less bitchy. But whatever had happened to mellow her must have worn off.

From the minute they'd been told to pack she'd been tense and short. Her eyes straying to the clock when she thought no one was looking. When Kellie came back in Sandra gave her a smirk. "You know if you left now you could tell him good-bye. Maybe get a good luck kiss."

Watching the other woman with suspicion she gave a shrug. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Sure you do. I happen to know that Buck is down at the mess hall. You still have an hour before we leave."

Kellie's relief was immense when she realized that Sandra thought it was Buck she was thinking of, ha and here she'd been worried. Smiling she turned toward the door. "You know, you're right. I have the time so I'll just meet you at the trucks."

She could still hear Sandra laughing at her when she slammed the door behind her.

When she'd decided to see Ron she never dreamed he'd be so hard to find. She'd wasted forty-five minutes being told he'd just left for somewhere else.

Of all the scenes she'd imagined the one she walked up on wasn't it. She'd really hoped to find him alone, but instead he was standing with three other officers. For a moment she stood and stared at him. She really didn't think he'd like being disturbed especially since they technically weren't together. So making a quick decision she turned on her heel and started to walk away, only to be stopped when a voice called to her.

"Nurse Macintyre, was there something you wanted?"

Turning she found him standing a foot from her and the other officers were suddenly gone. "Uh actually I was hoping to speak with you." Glancing down at her watch she winced, "damn, it took so long to find you I'm out of time."

"Kellie wait, what's going on? What are you late for?"

"I wanted to say good-bye. They're moving us to the ships tonight and well…"she licked her lips and reached for his hand. "I wanted to say be careful Ron and maybe we can talk when this is all done."

She felt him squeeze her hand and pull her a little closer. When he spoke his voice was low and sultry, "oh baby, we're gonna do more than talk."

When he released her hand she pulled away and turned without stopping. She could only pray they would get a chance to make good on that promise.

When the Navy began to fire on the French coast Sandra and her found a way to sneak out on deck. It was a terrifying sight and they could only imagine how terrifying it would be on the receiving end. Yet as she watched the coast be fired upon, all she could think about was the fact that somewhere out there, Ron was fighting to survive.

"It won't be much longer now and we'll be pushed ashore. How bad do you think it will be?"

Glancing over at Sandra she sighed. "Bad. Worse than anything I saw in Italy."

"Do you think he's okay?"

Kellie didn't ask who Sandra was referring to, so she just nodded. "Yeah he's gonna be fine."

They came ashore late the next day Kellie didn't focus on the bodies they walked past, instead she kept her hand on Sandra's shoulder ensure they kept moving forward. They were being moved further inland to set up a larger aid station.

They'd been told the Allied drop hadn't gone as well as they'd hoped. Units were scattered and many had died on the initial jump, or not even made it out of the plane.

Glancing around her saw that everyone had withdrawn into their own thoughts, each person had to focus on the upcoming mission. Unfortunately the ride gave all of them too long to think. Most of the nurses had boyfriends among the paratroopers and the last thing any of them wanted to face was their dead or wounded loved ones. In some respects, she thought the doctors were lucky. While they had made friends, their wives were home safe and waiting on them.

When the trucks finally stopped they all saw the barn that was about to be their new home for however long the Army deemed it. However, there was no time to reflect on the dire situation, the wounded were currently piling up on any piece of dry land they could find.

Pushing the others into action Kellie quickly provided guidance on the triage of the wounded that were there and moved off to try and organize the few medics working in the area.

She could hear the machine gun and artillery fire in the distance and stopped. For just a moment she closed her eyes and said a pray that Ron would be safe.

_Berlin_

Renee jerked awake; unsure at first what had woken her. The room was dark and no one was there, but she caught the fading sound of thunder rumbling in the distance. God she hated storms. The thunder made want to crawl under the bed and hide, she had no idea why, but it probably had something to do with past life.

Dropping back on the bed she chuckled. It was only a spring storm and would probably pass quickly. That silly dream coupled with the noise of the storm. That is what she got for going out and drinking with her girlfriends.

She'd been dreaming of being a nurse in the war and must have incorporated the thunder as the sound of artillery. Yet when she thought about the dream, parts of it seemed like more than her imagination. She could smell the blood and death. No, this had been more than just a normal dream.

Rubbing her hand across her face she tried to push the dream aside. All of her dreams had her being a nurse during the war, did that really reflect who she'd been or just something she had read?

For the past few months she put the attempts to remember her past behind her. Yet when she had these crazy dreams, they were becoming clearer and much more vivid. Part of her longed to remember the past, to know who she really was, but when she had that dream of being so cold and the man in front of her hating her so much…yeah that she was just as happy to have forgotten.

Shaking her head she realized that she really didn't want to know. It was her past and that is where it needed to stay.

He stood with a drink in his hand watching the storm roll through, his current mood reflecting the turbulent situation outside. His supposed month long trip had turned into two months. Two months of bickering and talking, with nothing to show for it except his temper getting even shorter.

As a particularly loud clap of thunder sounded he winced and took another drink of whiskey. He hated the noise, but having mortar rounds and artillery fired at you tending to do that.

He was drug out of his dark mood by the phone ringing. Glancing at the clock he considered not answering it, hell it was almost ten, what could be so important. Sighing he picked it up, not like he really had a choice. "Speirs."

"Hey Ron welcome back, I'll keep this short, the person you wanted me to find…well I found her."

Ron felt his chest tighten. Finally, now he could be sure. "Where?"

"Ha, that's the funny thing, believe it or not working here at the embassy as a translator."

"Translator? The person I knew didn't speak a foreign language."

"Hey don't know about that, but she fits the description and speaks three languages now. So do you want to meet her?"

He gave the calendar a quick glance. There was no way he could do it this week, no matter how much he wanted to, he was just too far behind. "Yeah I do, but it can't be this week, how about next week?"

"Sure, I'll have her here next Tuesday. See you then."

Ron hung up the phone and finished his drink. He'd waited twelve years, he could wait another week.


	7. Chapter 7

_Beneath the stains of time  
The feelings disappear  
You are someone else  
I am still right here_  
_Hurt- Johnny Cash_

**Chapter 7**

_Berlin_

Renee found her mood much improved. The warmer weather of spring had pushed aside the darkness and depression of winter and with it, her decision to forget the past, she'd found it easier to sleep and do her job.

When she'd entered the embassy she found it unusually quiet for this time of morning. Checking her watch she realized she was thirty minutes early, but not nearly enough to compensate for the silence surrounding the building. When she approached Michael's office she could hear him on the phone and stopped outside without knocking.

"Yes I'm aware he's coming today…yes do you have everything in place…alright then, I wish you luck. Yes I'll look out for her."

Hearing him hang up the phone she knocked on the door and stepped through. "Good morning. So did I miss a staff meeting or is it very quiet here?"

Michael cleared his throat, "yes well I forgot to mention we have the Russians coming today and we didn't want anyone except those necessary here. Honestly they are just so suspicious of everything."

"Oh, alright then, I'll just run down to my office and pick up some files I need to translate and I'll leave through the back. Oh before I go, dad wanted me to ask if you'd come for dinner tonight."

Michael kissed her cheek and smiled, "oh course my dear, for your cooking I'd walk across hot coals. I'll see you tonight."

Glancing up at the clock she gasped, she'd been down here three hours. She'd promised Michael she'd get the files and go, but when she began to research time had escaped her.

Grabbing up the files she quietly headed up the back stairs and stepped into a rarely used hallway. When she heard male voices the curiosity got the better of her. Creeping closer to the room she could finally hear clearly what was being said.

"Look Bill, I'm in a hurry so where is she?"

"You always were impatient, look I told you she should be here any minute. Ah here she is now. Thank you Michael you can go."

Renee pressed herself back into the alcove and watched as Michael left the room, but didn't shut the door completely. He stood listening…what exactly was going on? If this were the Russians they'd kill him if he was caught.

Creeping slowly up behind Michael a voice from room he'd just left caught her full attention.

"Kellie, do you remember me?"

Gasping in pain, she pushed past Michael and pushed the door open a little further, she had to see him. Before Michael could pull her back she saw the American officer in profile as he held his hand out to someone. Turning she stared at Michael and shook her head, "oh my God, it's him."

Michael was quick and caught Renee before she collapsed. Pulling her to his chest he continued to stand by the door and listen. He knew Gunter would have questions tonight; he had to hear the rest of what happened.

Ron watched the woman walk into the room. Her hair wasn't as deep an auburn as he'd remembered, but hey twelve years could change memories or hair color. Glancing at Bill he waited until the other man who'd escorted the woman left.

Stepping closer he spoke, "Kellie, do you remember me?"

The woman lifted her head and stared at him a moment, the crystal green eyes assessing him closely. Then the head shake, "I think you've made a mistake, my name is Renee and no I don't remember you."

He knew all was lost when he heard her speak English, the strange lilt that accompanied someone who spoke English as a second language was there. However he had to be sure, the feelings he'd had at the train station were too strong to ignore.

Stepping forward he reached for her right hand and raised it to his lips. Kissing the back of the hand he saw the smooth unblemished skin…this was not the woman he'd searched for. In the end he'd been wrong.

Smiling he dropped her hand and switched to German, "thank you for coming." Watching her leave he felt the small bit of warmth he had refreeze, Kellie was gone, and why could he just not accept it.

"I'm sorry Ron; I really thought she was who you were searching for."

He shrugged, "she was, but she just wasn't the person I wanted her to be…thanks for trying."

Turning he headed back out into the hallway and toward the door…never seeing the man hiding in the shadows holding a woman in his arms.

_France-1944_

Wiping the sweat from her forehead with her forearm Kellie honestly wondered how much hotter it would get. The building they were working in had little ventilation and the wounded were suffering worse than the staff. At least the staff could get up and walk outside to catch a breeze.

Rumor had it they would be heading back to England in a few days with all the wounded. If they didn't get these men out of here soon they'd lose more to infections and heat injuries than their actual injuries.

"Hey why don't you head out back and take a break…if your face gets any redder you're gonna collapse."

Glancing over her shoulder she saw Sandra standing behind her looking very relaxed. "Oh God you've just had sex….yes you should take my place, I'll be outside. Call if you need anything." Reaching inside Sandra's jacket pocket she grabbed the cigarettes, "thanks for the donation…I owe you one."

The minute she stepped outside she felt the breeze cool the sweat coating her body. She'd not realized how hot the building was until that moment. Lighting up she dragged the smoke deep into her lungs and released it with a pleasured sigh. Damn how much longer could they keep up at this pace?

"Well I never expected to find you trying to kill yourself by smoking."

Turning slowly she felt her chest tighten, there was only one person who had a voice that distinctive. Smirking she held the cigarette out to him, "well about time you showed up and proved me right."

His gloved finger brushed against hers, making her self-conscious of the blood covering hers. "Yeah and what was the bet?"

"No bet, I just knew if anyone would be okay, it would be you." She cocked her head to the side and smirked, "too bad we are surrounded by people, I'd love to give you a proper welcome back."

Ron took a drag from the cigarette and handed it back, "yeah well me too, however I just wanted to stop by to let you know we are heading back to England and well…if you are coming too I'd like to see you when we get there."

She watched him walk away with a silly smile on her face. She wasn't sure what had her so amused, the fact she was letting him close again or the fact she couldn't wait for England.

"So what has you so happy?"

The sound of Sandra's voice caused her to jump. "Gees, do you have to sneak up on me?"

Sandra shrugged, "who's sneaking? I called your name twice but you just stood there with that silly smile. So I'll ask again, what has you so happy?"

"Hmm, I just heard that we are heading by to England."

"Hey that's great, that means that you get the chance to spend some time with Buck."

Kellie made a noncommittal noise. Let them all keep thinking that. She knew who she'd be spending her nights with.

_Berlin-1956_

Renee slowly blinked and tried to focus on her surroundings. Someone had been kind enough to lay her on a couch; she guessed that it was probably Michael.

Reaching up she massaged her aching head. She couldn't remember the last time she'd fainted and really wasn't sure what had caused it this time. Oh wait…the man from the train station had been here, he was talking to someone and he called a name; Kellie.

Just thinking that name caused another surge of blinding pain, similar to the one that had occurred earlier. Feeling even more confused she made the connection that trying to remember or some past memory was the only thing that caused this level of pain. But what did that name have to do with her past?

Pushing herself up, she sat on edge of the couch. She could hear Michael talking to someone in the next room. She needed to thank him and head home. Slowly pushing to her feet she approached the door to knock when she heard him say something that gave her pause.

"Yes I believe it might have worked, he seemed convinced when he left. Yes she saw him, but he didn't see her…yes I'm aware that her fainting isn't a good thing…alright then I'll see you tonight."

Frowning she wondered why Michael would have been on the phone with Gunter discussing her. She hadn't been aware that Michael saw her until he spoke.

"Well you are looking much better, how do you feel?"

Stepping further into the room she shrugged, "still a small headache, but that will pass I'm sure, Michael who was that man earlier?"

He frowned, "what man? You were standing right there in the hallway talking to me and you suddenly grabbed your head and fainted."

Renee shook her head, "no he was here, the man from the train station. He was talking to someone in the interview room."

"Oh little one, you've dreamed that. Trust me, we are the only ones who are here, remember I told you the Russians were coming today?"

Sighing Renee turned to leave, maybe she really had dreamed it all. "Oh well maybe you're right. I'll see you tonight for dinner."

Michael released the breath he'd been holding as she left the room. His guilt was slowly beginning to eat away at him. Renee could have a chance to remember everything and even be happy if she talked to Speirs. Hell the look on Speirs face when he realized it wasn't who he was looking for…he and Gunter were both guilty of hurting two people who'd had more pain in their lives than they deserved.

_England 1944_

The party was in full swing and the airborne troops were taking full advantage of the fact that the nurses had returned. It hadn't mattered they'd only arrived yesterday; they'd gotten this party pulled together in less and twenty-four hours. That was impressive planning by anyone's standards.

However, she couldn't find any joy. She'd not seen Ron and even hoping that he'd be here hadn't paid off. For a man who had been anxious to see her, he was now playing hard to get.

Buck and his men had put the dance floor to good use and so far he'd been too busy to give her more than a wave, which suited her just fine. She really didn't want to face the conversation that they'd eventually have to have.

Reaching over she tapped Sandra on the shoulder, "I'm heading home."

"What so soon? You can't leave yet, you've not even danced with Buck yet." Sandra's confused face made Kellie want to laugh, only if Sandra knew the whole story.

"Yeah I know but he's had plenty of chances and I'm really tired and want to go to bed. She patted Sandra's check, "try not to get into any trouble tonight."

Sandra swatted her hand away and stuck out her tongue. "Yeah well you're being a party pooper."

Still laughing at the childish act of her friend, Kellie stepped out into the cool night. Out here in the dark she could be herself and let her disappointment show. Damn she'd really wanted to see him.

Turning she decided to head on home when she collided with someone who'd just turned the corner. The firm hands on her arms accompanied by the strong woodsy smell had her gasping.

"Easy sweetheart, you aren't leaving already are you?"

Putting her hands against his chest she smirked up at him, "well as a matter of fact I am. See the guy should have been here, but he failed to show up so I'm done."

"Ah come on babe I tried, really I did. But I had some things to take care of, remember that pesky little war going on right now. But I'm here now."

Kellie let her hands slide down his chest, "so you are. However, you need to find a way to make this up to me."

Smirking he reached to brush her hair back. "Hmm, sounds like you have some ideas on the subject…want to share them?"

Stepping closer to him she could feel the heat of his body. Smiling she reached to run her finger along the seam of his lips. His quick intake of breath told her she was getting to him.

Dropping her hand she took a step back, the smile never leaving her lips. "No I don't think I will. That would be like giving you the answers to the test. What's wrong Ron, have you forgotten how?"

Suddenly he was cupping her face in his hands. She'd never seen him move. "Oh I've not forgot how." Bending down he softly pressed his lips against hers. The kiss was soft and warm, his hands preventing her from deepening the kiss.

Growling in her throat she knocked his hands away and stepped back from him. "Well that wasn't exactly what I had in mind."

His chuckle was low and seductive, "well it's not like I'm about to get carried away here in the middle of the street."

Grabbing his hand she began to drag him after her. "Well allow me to show you somewhere much more private."


	8. Chapter 8

_If I could start again  
A million miles away  
I would keep myself  
I would find a way_  
_"Hurt"- Johnny Cash_

**Chapter 8**

_England_

Her heart was pounding as she pulled him into the supply room. Not the most romantic place, but since neither of them had thought this out; it would have to do.

Turning she smiled and shrugged, "sorry it's not the greatest but…"

Her words were cut off when he kissed her. This kiss was nothing like the one on the road had been. This was heat, passion and longing all rolled into one soul stealing moment.

Without breaking contact she slid her hands between them and quickly undid his uniform jacket, pushing it off his shoulders. How many times had she undressed him this way, both loathing to break the contact of those kisses?

Ron knew he should slow down, but at the rate Kellie was removing his clothing he didn't think she'd let him. Sliding his hand down her side, he began to pull her skirt up around her waist. When he had it pinned between them he let his hand slide between her legs. He groaned at the feeling of her wet and slick for him. If he didn't get inside her soon he would soil himself like a young boy.

Undoing his pants he promised himself that next time would be slower and he would taste every inch of her. Lifting her up, he pressed her against the wall and slide firmly inside her.

Pulling away from her lips he whispered he was sorry…not for doing this but for rushing. But the look of ecstasy on her face showed she could care less how rushed this was.

From the moment he slid into her Kellie was on fire. She could hear his whispered words, not caring what he was saying; all she wanted was him thrusting inside her harder and faster. This is what she missed, the desire and passion for one person. When her orgasm hit she bit her lip to keep from screaming his name and lost herself in the bliss of the moment.

Ron knew the moment Kellie's internal muscles began to milk him he was lost. Burying his face in her neck he spilled himself inside her. This time he wouldn't make the same mistakes…this time he was going to make her his.

The only sound in the room was their ragged breathing. Kellie managed to find her voice first and chuckled. "I think you can put me down now."

Both of them moaned at the friction created as Ron withdrew from her.

"Well that was..."

"Yeah it was and I must say you're as good as ever. It definitely helped with my stress level, so thanks. So I guess we need to go."

At her matter-of-fact tone his head jerked up. "Well uh thanks I guess and yeah I know we need to go, but I thought…"

Laughing she turned to face him, she had to make sure he believed this was nothing to her. That is what he wanted, someone who'd sleep with him and not feel anything, but to be with him again this way, she'd play her part.

However the words that escaped her lips had her wanting to slam her head against the wall. "What? What exactly was it you thought? Please Ron, I know this," waving her hand between them, "whatever is between us is only sex, or am I wrong and something has changed since Tocca?"

She could feel her heart about to pound out of her chest; she'd opened a door she swore would remain closed. But he'd looked so sad when she said they had to go…could she even dare to hope that something had changed?

Ron ran a frustrated hand through his hair. Things had changed alright or at least for him anyway, but he knew right now wasn't the time to try and change her mind so he just shook his head no.

Nodding she moved away from him and toward the door, she only hoped she could hold it together until she could put some distance between them. "Good we understand each other then, so if you want to get together again…"

"Tomorrow night." He blurted out the request before he gave his brain time to think. He wanted to see her…no he needed to see her and have a chance to change her mind. "I want to see you tomorrow night, in a bed, together for the entire night."

For a moment he saw something flash in her eyes but then it was gone.

"Okay then, pick me up after work. Oh and I'll expect food if you are gonna work me this hard again."

With that she was gone leaving Ron with thoughts of how screwed up this had all become, yet with the hope that he could change the past.

_Berlin_

Renee's nerves were shot. She'd been watching the interaction between Michael and Gunter all night, something wasn't right. Both of them had been giving her glances when they thought she wasn't looking, or speaking in half sentences when she left the room. Enough was enough. Slamming her fork against the plate she fixed both of them with a hard stare.

"Alright, I've had enough. What's going on? Oh and before you think about trying to lie to me, I've caught the glances and half comments. Now's the time for telling the truth, so what is it?"

At Renee's outburst Michael glanced at Gunter. From the look his face, it was clear that Renee had never raised her voice. Now that was an interesting turn of events. Turning back to Renee he saw the determined look and flashing crystal eyes. In that moment he saw the woman she'd probably been.

Beside him Gunter finally found his voice. "Darling I have no idea what…"

Renee's hand slamming down on the table cutting off his words. "Bullshit, you both know exactly what I'm talking about. You're both keeping something from me and I want to know what it is."

Part of Michael thought about staying silent and letting Gunter squirm, but then he remembered that this was about Renee. "Alright you caught us, but not in the way you think. We're both just worried about you. When you passed out today, well that really scared me and I've been asking Gunter questions about if it has happened before."

Michael watched Renee closely. Her face still held suspicion but some of the anger seemed to have faded.

"Why didn't you just ask me? Sometimes the two of you treat me like a child. Just because I can't remember certain things doesn't mean I'm incapable of telling you how I feel."

Michael nodded and felt some of the tension leave the room. "You're right; I guess I never thought of it that way."

Standing Renee reached for her plate, "well maybe the two of you should consider my feeling more often."

Turning she felt a wave of dizziness flood over her. Inside her head she could hear a cold voice as clear and strong as if he were in the room with her. The words chilling her heart.

"_Consider your feelings? Ha, all you've done is lie and manipulate me. This is just another example of you doing anything to get your way. Honestly what feelings could you possibly have?"_

"Renee…Renee please; sit down before you fall."

Shaking her head she focused on Gunter standing in front of her looking pale and shaken. Easing back into the chair she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Please just calm down I'm fine. I think maybe I just stood up too fast, just had a little dizzy spell is all."

Beside her Michael laughed, "well thank goodness that was all it was. For a moment there we thought you'd seen a ghost you were so pale."

"More like heard one," she mumbled under her breath.

"What was that dear?"

"Nothing I'm sorry I scared both of you. Gunter I hate to leave you with the dishes…"

"No my dear that's fine, Michael and I will clean up."

Nodding she got to her feet. She really did need to lie down. That voice had been just a little too real for her liking.

Michael's hand on her arm stopped her. "Renee I want you to take a few days off." He held up his hand to stop her protest. "No I insist. You need to rest and I'm sure things won't fall apart without you for a few days."

Renee nodded in agreement and headed to her bedroom. She knew they were both watching her; she just couldn't muster the energy to care.

When Michael was certain Renee's door had closed he turned on Gunter. "You do realize she is starting to remember things don't you?"

Gunter wearily dropped into the chair and sighed. "Yes I know she is. So what happened today?"

Michael rubbed his face, "I'm not completely sure. I thought she had left and then suddenly she's beside me, this wild look on her face. She almost made it into the room, but I do know she saw him and that's when she fainted. By the way, where ever did you find someone who favored her so closely?"

Gunter shrugged, "after seeing him at the train station last Christmas, I took measures to protect her. The lady you saw is an actress here in Berlin. While they favor in the face, the young woman in question has brown hair, wigs cover so much."

Laughing Michael sat down across from his friend. While they had been lucky this time, he had to make Gunter understand. "Look, I think I need to be clear on this, if she sees him again it's all going to come rushing back."

Gunter nodded, "I know that's why you are going to help me send her away."

As darkness fell Ron found himself at the bottom of a bottle of whiskey. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been this drunk. But after the disappointment he'd had today, hell he deserved it.

Then just to add insult to injury he'd gone and dug out the box. A box he'd carried all over the world with him that contained the few items that mattered most to him. A simple cigar box held the power to rip off whatever scabs he'd built over his wounded heart.

Flipping open the lid with his finger he let his eyes roam over the items it contained. Fours sheets of paper lay on top, the bottom two sheets holding the most painful memories.

Picking up the top two he let his eyes read over the few lines written on each sheet. The lines conveying the love that a woman had once held for him, both written quickly but meant even more to him for that reason. The next one was wrinkled and water stained. Two smeared imprints that could have been bloody finger prints marred the hastily written line, 'I need to see you. Please come.'

Ron glanced at the final sheet of paper. He knew the stains on that sheet intimately. Blood and tears, both his, covered it in varying places. Lifting it, he unfolded it and his eyes fell to the only thing on it he cared about; KELLIE R. McINTYRE-KIA. Seeing it typed like that still chilled his blood.

He had to force himself not to crumble that sheet in his hand, but instead carefully fold it and lay it to the side. There hadn't even been a body… just a mass grave with one lone marker that he'd only been to once.

Closing his eyes he thought about all the times he should have died…all the times he'd tried to die. Foy for starters, yeah he'd tried twice that day and was still alive at the end. God he didn't even want to start the list for Korea…

No he wasn't going there. Reaching back into the box he pulled out two photos. The first one was of Kellie back in Tocca. Looking young and beautiful…the second he'd gotten in the mail, no name or return address. Just a note enclosed telling him he'd probably want this.

Looking at the photo he'd not known anyone in it except for Kellie and the man standing next to her, Doc Roe. He'd always assumed that it was Roe who sent him the photo.

Smiling he ran his finger over the photo. It had been taken in England probably before he left to jump into Holland. That was the last time they'd been together…or at least together while they were happy.

Tossing the photo on the table he picked up a ribbon from the box. Turning he put his feet up on the couch. Rubbing the ribbon between his fingers he smiled. He was glad he'd taken a couple of days off. He was going to have the mother of all headaches in the morning, but right now he could close his eyes and indulge in happier memories.

_England-1944_

Ron smiled as he watched her sleep. No matter how much he'd told himself to go slow, the first time tonight had been nothing but a rush of passion, both of them dozing when it was over.

He'd been relieved when she'd agreed to spend the night. He was beginning to hear rumors they were heading back into the fight so time was growing short. He was going to use tonight to sway her feelings.

He knew she still cared about him, he felt it in her touch, in the tone of her voice. Frowning he reached out to brush his fingers through her hair. He knew he'd hurt her badly and part of her was afraid, but he felt he could change her mind.

Her soft moan drew his attention. She'd rolled to face him and the sheet had shifted to show the side of her breast. Smirking he bend down to kiss that spot. It was about time he started working on tasting every inch of her.

Kellie woke slowly to the warmth of Ron's mouth on her breast, drawing a deep moan from her throat. Keeping her eyes closed she focused on the sucking of his mouth, the softness of his hair as she ran her fingers through it.

"Feel good baby…well you've not seen anything yet."

Ron slowly started to kiss his way down her body, sliding the sheet out of his way as he went. "Uh, Ron what are you doing?"

Pushing her thighs further apart he slid between them, lifting his head from her stomach. "Just keeping a promise to myself, to taste all of you."

Kellie's body arched when he mouth covered her, his tongue stroking the most sensitive parts of her. She knew with the way his lips and tongue were working her she wouldn't last long. "Please Ron; I'm so close…please touch me."

When his fingers entered her along with the strokes of his tongue she couldn't stop the moan of pleasure as she came. No one had ever driven her to the heights that Ron could. Her body hadn't even recovered when she felt him slide into her.

His stokes were hard and deep, the rhythm they set together would bring them both to the crest quickly.

Ron brushed kisses against her neck, he was so close. Reaching between them he pushed his thumb against her. "Come for me Kellie just one more time."

With the pressure of his thumb against her and his deep strokes, Kellie felt herself coming. Wrapping her arms around him she pulled him closer and nipped at his neck. She was never expecting what she heard as he came.

"I love you Kellie. I love you so much."

She stared at the ceiling and smiled, he loved her. She'd waited so long for those words to leave his lips and he'd finally said it.

_Yeah well just remember sweetie he'd love anyone he was sleeping with. You're just another woman in his stable, nothing has changed._

The pleasure she'd been feeling died just as quick. She felt him pull from her body and pull her against him, whispered words of love falling from his lips. He never knew the tears that slid silently down her cheeks.


	9. Chapter 9

_Time casts a spell on you, but you won't forget me  
I know I could have loved you, but you would not let_ me

"_Sliver Spring"- Stevie Nicks  
_

**Chapter 9**

_England_

She wasn't sure what had waked her, but with being awake came the desperate need to flee. However, with his arm over her waist she was going to have to move carefully.

Slowly lifting his arm she slid out from under it, placing a pillow in her place. His groan froze her in place, but it didn't appear he was waking up.

As quietly as she could she gathered her clothes, putting on only her dress and shoes, the rest she could carry with her. Reaching for the door she was almost out when his voice stopped her.

"You weren't even going to say good-bye?"

Sighing she released the door and turned to face him. She was shocked by the confused look on his face. "Uh I just wanted to get an early start is all and I didn't want to wake you."

He rubbed his face and tried to calm his frustration. "No I don't think that's exactly it. You don't want to talk about what's going on between us."

"Oh my God, what exactly is going on between us? I really wish you'd tell me Ron because I'm a little confused right now."

He just shook his head, "well I told you last night I love you…so I guess that's what's going on."

Rubbing her head she tried not to cry. This was just too frustrating. "Ron, last night was great, off the charts in fact, but it's not enough to start over again."

Growling he pushed up from the bed and grabbed his pants. He just had to make her understand. Approaching her, he frowned as she began to back away from him until she came up against the wall.

Reaching out he took her hand, rubbing his thumb across her wrist. "Are you saying that you don't love me?"

Kellie's heart was racing. She'd been so stunned last night when he'd said those words; she'd honestly not known what to say. But now he'd cornered her and there was a danger in either way she could answer.

Her heart was screaming for her to take the love he was offering and rejoice in it. This is what she'd longed to hear, him telling her that he loved her. But just when she might have given in, her head replayed the scene from Tocca, the one where he threw her love and her away. She couldn't risk him crushing her like that again; she honestly didn't think she'd survive.

Sighing she gave in to the demands of her head, "you know Ron, time and words can kill love. Think about it. Now I need to go. Last night was really great and I wouldn't mind doing it again some time."

He released her hand and let her leave. He'd watched the play of emotions that crossed her face as she thought about what to answer. There'd been that moment of doubt and he knew that doubt came from trusting him. Smirking he shook his head, she still loved him, and now he just had to make her admit it.

She didn't know how long she'd been sitting here. The reports blurring before her, her head was pounding and for that she blamed Ron. Too little sleep last night coupled with way too serious of a conversation this morning.

She'd been proud of herself. Proud that she'd made it home before collapsing into a blubbering heap on the floor. Damn him, he wasn't supposed to make it this hard.

"Here take these, you look terrible."

Lifting her head she saw Sandra holding out a hand containing two aspirin. She mumbled thanks and forced them down with the now cold coffee sitting beside her.

"So can I deduce from the way you look that last night didn't go well?"

Kellie snorted, "oh it went fine, it was the overly serious conversation this morning that didn't go so great."

Sandra sighed, "yeah well I hate to pile more on you, but they are sending us back to France tomorrow. Guess that jump we keep hearing rumors of is probably true."

Kellie dropped her head on the desk. This was just great. They were leaving tomorrow and this business with Ron…well she guessed that would have to wait.

She didn't know exactly how she'd come to this conclusion. Most of her day had been consumed with thinking, the future, Ron…yeah her brain however pained it was, simply would not stopping thinking. Now she found herself standing outside his door, about to take the biggest leap of faith ever.

Knocking on his door she knew that she'd pushed him away this morning out of her own fear and it was time to stop, life was too short and in a war it could be even shorter, and sometimes you just had to take a chance.

Ron's face when he opened the door clearly conveyed his shock to see her standing there. She guessed he'd assumed he'd have to hunt her down and would never have expected her to seek him out.

When he finally smiled and stepped aside waving her inside she felt some of the tension leave her body. Now as long as her courage didn't fail this should go okay.

"Well while I'm surprised to see you here, I can't say I'm not extremely happy with these turn of events. However I'm concerned, did something happen today?"

Nodding she didn't speak but stepped closer to him. Reaching up she put her hand on the back of his neck and pulled his head down until she could press her lips against his. She felt his hesitation, but then his arms came around her pulling her fully against him. His tongue entered her mouth caressing hers softly yet promising passion.

When Ron finally broke free of the kiss, his eyes were still closed and his forehead rested against hers. "Not that I'm complaining but are you trying to tell me something?"

Chuckling she pressed another quick kiss against his lips. "Hmm maybe I am. I'm sorry about this morning I over reacted."

Pulling back so he could see her face he laid his finger across her lips. "Kellie it's okay. I don't expect you to trust me. I was a real bastard in Tocca and …"

Nipping his finger to make him move it she gave him a wide smile. "You just need to shut up and let me talk." When it appeared he was going to let her finish she took a deep breath and started talking.

"Yes you hurt me in Tocca and for a long time I was angry at anyone wearing a uniform, but when I saw you again…" pausing she gave a shrug, "I guess I just couldn't lie to myself anymore. I still love you and I guess part of me never stopped loving you. Life is too short and if you're willing to try again then so am I."

Ron grinned and picked her up. "Great, it just so happens I have this whole house to myself, so how about I show you how willing I am?"

_Berlin_

Gasping Renee came awake with her entire body alive with pleasure. Grinning in the dark she pulled the covers tighter around her. Well at least when she dreamed it starred a really hot man. Part of her knew she was using the man from the train station as her main star in this X-rated adventure, but part of her thought they were just a little too vivid.

Tonight had been more vivid than most. She could still smell his cologne, feel the chafe of his stubble, the callused hands that slid down her body and the taste of his salty flesh as she licked and nipped at his shoulder. Shivering in pleasure she realized this had been more than just a dream; this had been a memory.

Sitting up she drew her knees to her chest and sat thinking. She still couldn't remember his name or why, other than the sex, they knew each other. But she was now certain about one thing; he'd been her lover.

Reaching up she unconsciously rubbed at the scar along her hair line. These dreams, no these memories was beginning to make her wonder, was it just the injury that kept her from remembering or was there something else she was blocking?

All Gunter had ever said was that she was near death when he found her and after a hard fight she'd recovered, well minus her memory, but alive. The question she couldn't answer, but if she could, would probably answer why she couldn't remember and that was why he'd never looked for her?

Throwing back the covers she came to a decision. She had to find this man and then she could ask him about her past.

_Ah but can you go on like this with Gunter once you know the truth…especially since you have no idea how bad the truth could be?_

Shaking her head she decided she'd deal with that when it happened.

"Michael I need your help."

Michael looked up to see Renee leaning against his door. Smiling he waved her inside and toward a chair. "But of course. Now what can I help you with?"

Renee bit her lower lip in thought. Michael and Gunter were close friends, she'd not thought about the fact she was possibly asking him to betray his friend, but she needed someone to help her. Shaking her head she with the internal fight in her brain, she pushed back to her feet, "nothing, forget it. I just had a silly idea…but I guess I didn't really think it through."

"Renee, wait please." When he was sure she wouldn't walk out he continued, "just tell me the idea and then together we can decide if it's nothing."

He saw the indecision on her face but remained silent. He knew she had to make the choice and trying to force her would only push her away.

"Alright then, I want you to help me find the man from the train station. I feel he is the key to my past and I'm so tired of not knowing."

Michael struggled to keep his face passive when inside he was panicking. He'd tried to warn Gunter time was running out and now here it was; time up. He clasped his fingers together under his chin and gave her a serious look. "You do understand what a difficult task you're about to undertake correct?" When she nodded he continued, "and what if we find him? What of Gunter, do you care so little for him you're willing to hurt him like this?"

"I'm not trying to hurt him, but does no one care about my feelings?"

Sighing Michael began to massage his temples. "Renee we do care, I just don't want anyone hurt, especially you."

"See that's the problem, I'm having vivid dreams of this man. Too vivid to just be a dream, I mean I know what his cologne smells like, what he sounds like when he is alone with a woman…those can't be dreams."

Michael held up his hands. "I believe you and even though it bothers me, I'll try to help you. But understand this could take time and I might never find him."

She smiled, "I'll take the chance. Thank you." Standing she brushed her hands against her skirt. "well guess I should get back to work."

Michael watched her go and then got up and shut the door, leaning against it. He knew exactly where the man in question was, he just wondered how long he could put Renee off. Picking up his phone he called Gunter. They were going to have to work much faster to move Renee out of Berlin. That was if they could even get her to go.

_England_

Kellie was humming to herself, for the first time in a very long time; everything seemed to be right in the world. Even though they would be leaving later today, the time she'd spent with Ron would keep her going.

"Well someone's happy today?"

Dropping the box she'd been holding she barely managed not to scream. Turning she found Buck leaning against the door trying not to laugh, but was still grinning like a fool.

"Ha, ha, ha. I'm glad that was only bandages and not something glass." She tried to glare at him but couldn't muster the anger. Smiling she shook her head, "so what are you doing here?"

"Well I got word that you guys were pulling out ahead of us today and I thought it would be nice if I could see you again." When he saw her about to speak he held up his hand, "no before you go getting worked up, I'm not here to pester you about us being together, even if I hope you've thought about it, I just wanted a moment alone with you."

Patting a box next to her she motioned for him to sit down. "That's really sweet Buck and I'm sorry I've not spent more time with you, but…"

Buck lifted her hand and kissed the back of it. "Don't worry about it, I know you've been busy and I know that you've had a lot on your mind. Look I won't keep you but I just wanted to say good-bye."

Standing Buck pulled her close and bent to press a chaste kiss against her lips. Pulling back he smiled. "Take care of yourself kid and I'll be seeing you."

Leaning against the wall she watched Buck leave and smiled, he really was a nice guy and she knew that the time was coming when she'd have to tell him there was someone else.

"What the hell was that about Kellie?"

Turning, she found Ron standing behind her looking less than friendly. "I have no idea what you are talking about, what's got you so upset."

"Oh I don't know I come by to see my girl and find Compton wrapped around her. So I want to know what's going on."

Putting her hands on her face she smiled, "don't get upset he just heard we were leaving and wanted to stop by and say good-bye, that's all."

Ron searched her face and apparently found what he was looking for and smiled. "Okay let's just keep it that way…I'm kind of jealous. I mean I just got you back I'd hate to have to start fighting for you already."

Chuckling she pressed her lips against his. "Don't you worry, if you've held my heart this long I don't think anyone else can take it away."

As they parted Kellie felt a sense of unease pass down her spine. She didn't know what made her nervous but something about that encounter had. Sighing she turned back to what she was working on, nothing would delay them leaving and she needed to get this work done.


	10. Chapter 10

_Somewhere out in the back of your mind_

_Comes your real life and the life that you know_

Rooms on Fire-Stevie Nicks

**Chapter 10**

_France_

She wasn't sure how many weeks had passed since they'd returned to France, but she was sure about one thing; it had been unpleasant.

Sandra had started the trip somewhere around frigid and had escalated to hostile, with a side of vindictiveness. Nurses that had been speaking to her when they departed England now did their best to avoid her.

According to the doctor who had been dating Sandra, but had wisely reconsidered, said that Sandra was out to isolate Kellie and make her pay. For what he wasn't sure, but he'd said he thought it might have been over a man. Great, just what she'd always wanted, to be hated over a guy that only the person who hated her knew his identity.

They'd heard the jump into Holland had happened and she found herself not only worrying about Ron but Buck. She really did care from him, even if it wasn't love, the last thing she wanted was for either of them to end up here.

Every day they all watched the road, knowing that while it would take a while to move the casualties back this far, but they would be here and probably before too much longer.

"Well I see you're out here by yourself."

Cringing she took a drag from her cigarette before turning. She wasn't sure what Sandra was up to now, but what the hell, she'd take the bait. "Hmm interesting that you'd say something like that, since you've given me no other option."

"What did you expect Kellie, I mean people should know what kind of person you really are."

Kellie threw the cigarette aside then stepped into Sandra's personal space. "Yeah and what kind of person would that be? Would that be the kind of person who can care for one person and love another?" Before Sandra could answer Kellie continued, "or would that be the type of person you think is between you and Buck?"

When she saw Sandra's eyes widen in surprise she smirked, "that's what I thought. I'm not between you and him, I have what I want. Now why don't you grow up?" Pushing past her, Kellie held her head high. That little scene would properly make things worse, but it felt really good to get that anger off her chest.

After the incident with Sandra, Kellie kept her head down and focused on her work. It was lucky for her, but not so much for the soldiers, that they began to flow in. Their numbers were heavier than expected thanks to the British underestimating the strength of the enemy.

She knew that day passed into night, but lost track of exactly how many times that happened and now they were facing overcrowding conditions for the wounded as well as exhaustion for the staff.

With each solider that came in she promised herself not to look at those patches, just focus on the care, but when she glimpsed the Screaming Eagle her chest would tighten. Then she would force herself to look at the face and feel the pressure dissipate as it wasn't Ron or Buck.

Now she was heading off to one of the other buildings they had converted into an overflow hospital and paused for a moment in the chilling breeze of the evening. The air was crisp and carried the sweet scents of fall that overpowered the smell of death and blood. She needed just the moment of relief before she headed back in to face a bad situation.

"Hi Kellie."

Closing her eyes she forced herself not to sigh, but instead slowly release her breath and focused on remaining calm at all cost, she just didn't have the energy to fight. Turning, she found Sandra just standing there watching her in the fading light, the look on her face lacking the hostility it normally carried.

"Hi yourself, is there something you needed?"

Sandra dropped her head to stare at her fingers, which had suddenly become very fascinating. In fact for a moment Kellie was sure she wasn't going to speak and was turning to leave when Sandra finally spoke.

"I'm sorry."

Kellie crossed her arms and stared. Seriously this is not happening. "Okay so what are you sorry about?"

Sandra finally looked up at her, "well I've been kind of a bitch to you…"

"Kind of? Why don't we call it for what it is, you've been a severe pain in my ass period. You've gone out of your way to make sure everyone hates me and for what…Buck? Seriously, he's not here and if he were, you can have him with my blessing."

Sandra's gave a sheepish grin, "well yeah all that is why I'm sorry. I have no idea what got into me and I guess I was just jealous. I mean you've got two great looking men after you and well…I don't know what I was thinking."

Kellie dropped her arms and shook her head, "okay you're forgiven, but mainly because I'm so tired of fighting."

Sandra smiled and pointed toward the building Kellie was heading for, "I thought you might like to know, they just brought Buck in. Seems he was shot in the ass, he's gonna be okay but I think he could use a friend."

Kellie returned the smile, "thank you and I'll make sure I put in a good word for you. I think the two of you will hit it off."

Turning she headed toward the building Sandra had indicated only to be stopped by another nurse. "Why did you make it so easy on her? You should have heard the things she said about you."

Kellie shrugged, "it doesn't matter and well, it's better to have peace, however strange it may be."

The other woman laughed, "well you're a better person than I am, because I think I would have hit her."

When she found Buck he was lying on his stomach with his eyes closed. Reaching down she picked up the chart and quickly reviewed the status of his wounds. Well a gunshot to the ass wouldn't be fatal, but would be painful for long time, especially when he sat.

She hadn't noticed his eyes open until his hoarse voice called her name.

"Hey, I didn't want to wake you, are you in any pain?"

He tried to smile but miserable failed, "no but I don't feel so great, sick to my stomach. I'm not sure that morphine agrees with me."

Kneeling to his level she brushed her hand across his forehead, "okay, let me talk to the doctor and see if there is something else we can give you that will work without making you sick."

Before she could stand he'd grabbed her hand. "Could you just stay with me? Please just until I can fall back asleep."

Nodding she sat on the floor and held his hand, while all around them chaos reigned. People were screaming for a nurse or doctor, but she stayed in the hopes that if anything ever happened to Ron someone would stay with him too.

_Berlin-1957_

Michael sat watching Renee as she stared off into space. Over the last month she'd done that more frequently. However this time was different, she was smiling, and that had him concerned.

Getting up he walked over and sat down beside her. "So, what has you so happy?"

As she turned to face him her smile widened. "I'm remembering things, they don't exactly make sense, but I know that I had a friend and her name was Sandra." The smile slipped away to be replaced by a frown, "I wonder what happened to her?"

Michael forced himself to smile and congratulate her on regaining some memories. This was going to speed up the need to get her out of Berlin; however he still wasn't convinced this plan would work.

"Michael, are you listening to me?"

"Sorry, I think my mind wandered off for a bit, what were you saying?"

"I was asking if you'd had any luck in finding the man from the train station."

"Oh no my dear not yet, but don't give up. I'm sure we'll hear something."  
Renee nodded, "well I can wait. I'm heading back to work, I'll see you later."

Michael smiled and watched her walk back to the building. He was going to have to come to a decision soon about if he told her the truth or continued to assist Gunter in this lie.

Sergeant Bowman wasn't a happy man. He really didn't want to knock on the office door behind him, but he knew he had to pass on the sealed envelope in his hand. Besides, nothing could make Speirs any angrier than he'd been for the last two months.

Speirs had never been the warmest or friendliest of people but whatever happened had made him downright nasty. The door to his office was rarely open and when he did speak it was short one word answers.

Knocking he waited until he was told to enter. "Sir, I just picked this up and since it's from Washington I knew you'd want to see it right away."

Ron took the envelope and looked at the address, a smile quickly developing. These had to be his reassignment orders; finally he would be able to escape Germany.

Mumbling his thanks he waited for the Sergeant to leave before opening them. Scanning them quickly he had to re-read them several times just to make sure he was reading them right.

Dropping the orders he stood and picked up his hat. If nothing else called for a drink this did. He wouldn't be leaving Germany; instead he would be staying for another two years. This time as head of Spandau prison, his luck just kept getting better and better.

_Holland-October 1944_

"Hey guys listen to this, I just got a letter from Lieutenant Compton, guess he wanted us to know how he was doing."

He honestly hadn't meant to overhear their conversation, in fact he wasn't even remotely looking to hear something, but at the sound of Compton's name he stopped, hidden from view, to listen. He couldn't say why, he just had this desire to hear what was going on with the other man. Rumors had flown wild when he was wounded, but the one confirmed rumor was the fact he'd been shipped out of Holland, Ron just hoped he didn't end up where he thought he was.

"Okay so it says here he is slowly mending, still can't sit though."

That comment had earned a round of laughter from the men present. While he was unable to pick out individuals he knew that this had to be Compton's platoon. While the rest of their comments were generic in nature, making jokes about the Lieutenant's ass getting in the way of a German bullet, the next comment had his blood freezing.

"Oh hey boys listen to this; I guess this hospital thing ain't too bad for the Lieutenant. Says here he's hooked up with a nurse and they are hitting it off just fine and dandy."

Another voice joined the first, "hey wasn't he seeing some nurse before we left England the first time?"

"Yeah he was, guess this is the same one…what was her name Karen…Kathie…oh no Kellie that's it. Ha maybe we should look at getting shot in the ass if it gets us a hot lookin' nurse."

Ron let his head drop against the wall. He could feel his stomach turn over at the thought of Compton laying his hands on her. In his mind he could imagine the other man kissing and caressing the woman up until a moment ago he'd have given his life for.

He didn't want to believe it, but just hearing that Compton was with her wiped all other rational thoughts from his mind. He'd be the first to admit that he was a selfish bastard and possessing but right now all he knew was the fact Kellie had betrayed him. Even with all her sweet words she'd dropped him for the more convenient male, one who was currently wounded playing on her feelings he was sure.

Turning he headed back to his unit, he didn't want to hear any more details about how Compton was making time with Kellie. He wasn't even sure what he wanted right now, he just wanted the pain to stop and to get his hands around her lying little neck.

_But what if it isn't true? Are you just going to take it like this? Since when do you back down?_

"Since I figured out Kellie was playing whore to someone behind my back."

"Speirs, get your ass over here I have a job for you."

Heading in the direction of his company commander he was more than willing to take any job offered, honestly he found he just didn't care about anything.

_France-November 1944_

Kellie put a hand over the coffee she was carrying and tried to hurry so that it wouldn't get any colder. Why she'd promised Sandra to bring this to Buck was beyond her, she should be asleep right now, in her warm bed. Not playing servant to someone else's boyfriend.

Smiling she let herself into the house where Buck was staying. He still wasn't up to making the long walk to the chow hall and normally Sandra would bring him food or coffee, but she'd wasn't feeling well and thought it better to send a healthy person rather than infect him.

"Hey Buck its Kellie, I brought you some coffee, I just hope it's not too cold."

She watched him gently ease himself down the stairs. He was walking better but still seemed very stiff in his movements.

"So how's Sandra feeling?"

Kellie handed him the coffee and sat at one of the kitchen tables. "Puking up her guts when I left, but alas her thoughts were only of you."

Buck smirked at her over the top of the cup and then took a drink grimacing at the cold liquid. "What did you do, put ice cubes in it?"

"Ungrateful lout, that's it. Go get dressed I'm helping you to the mess hall. You want warm coffee it's time you walked there yourself."

"Ah Kellie, how can you be so heartless?"

"Easy I'm not your simpering sweet girlfriend. Get a move on Compton."

She remained passive as Buck grumbled back up the stairs in search of his boots. To be honest he should have been doing this before but Sandra was such a push over.

"Alright you sadist, let's go."

Standing she put his arm around her shoulders and let him lean part of his weight against her. "Come on you big baby, it won't be that bad, I promise."

Ron had every intention of finding her the minute he got off the transport truck, but his frozen body had other ideas. Quickly making his way to the mess hall he grabbed a cup of coffee and tried to warm up. The wounds in his shoulder and side, while healed hated the cold and were letting him know they were not pleased with the sudden deep freeze treatment.

Looking around the room he saw several Easy company members as well as some of his own men. He'd heard the rumor that they would be pulling back to France and he'd done his best to get here as quick as he could. Whatever happened between him and Kellie was best done without witnesses.

When Compton came in the door supported by someone his whole body tensed. Even before he saw her he knew she was the one walking beside him. He felt his anger grow, heating his frozen body from the inside as she helped Compton to a chair and then went to get him a cup of coffee.

For a moment he thought she'd seen him when he saw her pause and look around the room. Stepping behind a column he continued to watch her and waited until she'd sat down beside Compton before moving closer. He'd meant to confront her when no one was around, but now in the face of this evidence he couldn't wait any longer.

Stepping up to where they were sitting he didn't speak just reached for her arm and pulled her to her feet.

"What the hell…oh god Ron."

He felt a stutter in his step at the happy look on her face once she realized who held her arm, but he'd been fooled before, he wasn't going to let her do it again.

"Where are you staying?"

Kellie smiled and put a hand on his chest removing it quickly at the glare he gave her. "Uh just down the street. Ron what's wrong?" She felt the pressure increase on her wrist and had to stop herself from wincing. Something was not right and she needed to find out what it was before he snapped her wrist.

"Ron, please your hurting me."

"Start walking Kellie unless you want to conduct this in public."

Something about the way he was looking and her and crushing her wrist was scaring her. She'd never been afraid of Ron, angry and pissed off but never afraid, but there was something very wrong. Nodding her head she turned to leave intending to pull her wrist away but his firm grip only increased as he held fast to her and moved to follow her out the door.

He remained silent the entire walk to the house she was staying in, his silence scarier than the cold voice he'd used before. Opening the door to her room she stepped inside and moved to allow him in. When he released her wrist she rubbed it and watched him warily as he closed and locked the door.

"Okay so now can you tell me what's wrong now?"

She watched as he removed his helmet setting it on the floor and then began to slowly remove the rest of his outer clothing, his eyes never leaving hers. Stepping closer to him she forced herself to smile and reached for him again, only to have him grab both of wrists in one of his hands.

"Oh no sweetheart, the time for niceties is over. I came here for one thing and one thing only and you're going to give it to me."

Frowning she tried to figure out what he was talking about, but was shocked when he turned her putting her back against his chest and started walking toward the bed. A terrible feeling settled in the pit of her stomach…he couldn't possibly… "Ron please I don't know what's going on, but not like this…please not like this."

When they reached the bed his free hand came around to undo the pants she was wearing and push them down her hips. "Why not, you're always hot for a fuck, why not just cut out the fluff and get to it…"

When his words finally penetrated her brain she began to struggle in earnest. There was no way this could be happening, he loved her.

As she struggled he shoved her face down on the bed letting his body weight pin her until he got a better grip on her hands. "Be still or it's only going to be worse for you." When she stopped struggling he freed himself from his pants and shoved inside her.

Kellie lay motionless as Ron pounded his flesh inside her, tearing at her tender flesh; she was too in shock to even cry. She heard his grunt and the warmth of his semen inside her and closed her eyes, forcing herself to remain still and silent. His breath caressed her neck in pants and his heart began to slow. She was so lost in her own thoughts she almost missed his words.

"How could you do it, I loved you and would have given you anything you desired. Guess now you'll think of me when you're with him."

Frowning she tried to decipher what he was talking about when he lifted her body from hers, the sudden loss of his weight let her body slide to the floor. Lifting her eyes she watched him redress in silence, now that it was over he wouldn't even look at her.

Licking her lips she forced the words past her dry throat. "Why Ron, what have I done to deserve this."

Ron turned to look at her lying on the floor. Part of him wanted to drop to his knees and beg forgiveness, tell her he was wrong, but then he thought about how she'd been making a fool out of him. Smirking he chuckled, "babe, you're a great fuck, bottom line and well since you seem to be willing to spread it around I saw no reason to waste time with romance."

Kellie watched as he finished his little speech and turned to leave closing the door behind him. She had no idea how long she sat staring at the closed door before she forced herself off the floor. Redressing she looked at herself in the mirror. There were no outward signs of what had happened except for the bruising on her wrists. She just hoped that nothing internal had been damaged.

The last thing she wanted was to lose that small piece of happiness that love had given her.


	11. Chapter 11

_The scars of your love remind me of us _

_They keep me thinking that we almost had it all_

_The scars of your love, they leave me breathless  
Rolling in the Deep-Adele_

**Chapter 11**

_France-November 1944_

Somehow he made it outside before he let his body collapse against the side of the building. What had he done? He'd never meant…sliding down the wall he knowing he should march back in there and comfort her, beg forgiveness that would probably never be coming, what had he been thinking?

_Ah but she had to pay, you saw her with Buck, she's betrayed you. Can you imagine the laughter they would have enjoyed if you had taken her with care and kindness? Oh its better this way, she'll remember that you went out like a man._

Shaking his head he pushed back to his feet. He didn't feel like a man, he felt like a child that had broken his toy to prevent anyone else from having it. In other words, he felt like the bastard he was. She didn't deserve it and even if she did, he could have walked way, he could've asked why, but no he had to show her that he was the one in power.

Walking back to where his company was staying he decided that maybe he needed to get away from her, away from here. England might give him the break he needed and hell after being shot in Holland, maybe he could find the forgiveness he sought in another woman he'd not found with her.

"_How could you do it, I loved you and would have given you anything you desired. Guess now you'll think of me when you're with him."_

Those words kept replaying in her mind, words that still made no sense. Rolling to her side she watched through the window as the sky darkened. She was hiding and she knew it. Was afraid of seeing him again, afraid of facing anyone. Until she got her own emotions under control and made sense of this she would lock herself away because she just couldn't face anyone yet.

"Kellie, please open the door, I know you are not feeling well but please let me in." Sandra dropped her head against the door listening for any sound from the other side. When she'd gotten the note from Kellie about not feeling well, she'd not really been concerned. Some kind of stomach virus was making the rounds and she'd just thought it had caught Kellie, but that was seven days ago and no one had seen or heard from her.

When she heard boots coming up the stairs she turned her head to see Buck slowly making his way closer. "Anything?"

Sandra shook her head, "no, and she won't answer me and I'm really starting to worry."

"Well are you even sure she's in there, I mean she could have gone to get something to eat."

"No the door is locked and I know she's in there." Sandra knocked on the door again, this time her voice conveyed her frustration. "Damn it Kellie open this door or so help me God I'm gonna have Buck knock it down."

The soft click of the lock had Sandra breathing a sigh of relief. "Thank God, I'll see you later Buck."

Pushing into the room she squinted in the dimness to see anything. "Uh, Kellie do you mind if we turn on the light?"

"Yes I mind, I like the dark, leave it off."

Sighing she let her eyes adjust then finally eased closer to the bed, where she could only assume her friend was lying. "Hey, so how are you feeling?"

"Tired, very tired, so now that you've seen me you can go."

Sandra frowned, something was off and she wanted to find out what was going on. This was more than a stomach virus. "No I'm not going." Reaching over she turned on the light and gasped in shock at what it revealed.

Kellie lay limp on the bed, her hair greasy and matted around her head clearly reflecting her lack of care at her appearance, the dark circles under her eyes showed several days without sleep. There was something worse than a stomach flu going on here.

"Kellie, please talk to me? You know we are moving and I need you I can't just leave you here."

Kellie rolled to her back and stared at Sandra with blank eyes, "yes you can. Where is he?"

"Buck? He left, it's just us?"

Kellie shook her head, "no I want to know about Ron."

"Oh him, yeah Buck said he looked a little tense when he dragged you out of the mess hall, he went to England on R&R I think. Why do you want him?"

Kellie slowly pushed herself up and sat on the side of the bed. He was no longer in France that was the push she needed. She had to get out of this room, pull herself together and brace herself to face him.

The bruises around her wrist had faded so she didn't have to worry about anyone asking questions, well except for Sandra and Buck who would ask what had been wrong.

Turning her head she stared at Sandra, "I don't need him for anything." The venom in her voice was there even though it contained so much sadness, "however, I could use some help getting cleaned up."

Sandra smiled and tugged at Kellie's hair, "yeah I can see that, if nothing else it's going to take the both of us to comb that mess out."

Standing she began to undress her mind already focusing on how she would take care of herself and a child. She knew there was no way she could tell him, not after what he'd done and he'd made it clear he didn't want her, and damn if this time it hadn't hurt her worse when he'd walked out on her in Tocca. But this time, she had a new life to protect from his untrusting ways. She was so lost in her thoughts she'd forgotten Sandra was in the room until she heard a gasp. "What's wrong?"

Sandra pointed at her stomach, the tears glistening in her eyes. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Looking down she laughed at the fact she put her hand on her stomach. "I didn't know how to tell you and right now I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do."

"Well you can't stay here, we need to get you back to England and then the states, and you need to start taking care of yourself."

Kellie chuckled, "yes I know I do, but…"

The pounding on the door ended the conversation. "Sandra…Kellie hey you guys need to get to the hospital quick. Doc says we need to pack out, we're moving."

Both of them exchanged looks and Kellie shrugged, "looks like this is gonna have to wait a little." She held up her hand before Sandra could start talking, "I'll take it easy and be careful, but I just can't walk out right now."

Sandra rubbed her hands down her face in frustration. "Fine but when we get to where ever they are dragging us, you and I are going to find a way to make sure that you and your child are safe."

Kellie smiled, "okay agreed, now let me bath and get dressed before some unsuspecting soul breaks down the door."

Everyone was running, men scurrying to find extra ammo, clothing whatever they thought they might need. It had been easy to avoid anyone with the exception of medical personnel and the chaos was exactly what Kellie had needed. She didn't want to think any more, there would be time to think when they arrived at…well wherever they were headed too.

"Okay so I've got as much loaded as I can. Unfortunately they aren't letting us take more, something about the trucks already being over packed and…Kellie are you listening to me?"

Standing at the back of the truck she'd made the mistake of actually looking around while Sandra spoke and in that fateful moment she saw him. Whether it was the weight of her stare or by some chance his eyes met hers across the road.

For a brief second she saw the sadness and regret in his eyes, hell his body even swayed as if he was going to approach her. What did he see reflected in her eyes? Pain, sadness or the love she still carried for the idiot. Because damn her soul to hell, she still loved him and would probably die loving him. Why couldn't she hate him for what he'd done to her?

When Sandra stepped in front of her, she lost him and focused on the woman in front of her, who currently had a look of pity on her face. "You still love him don't you?"

Kellie didn't trust her own voice; the tears for this horrible situation, and Sandra's pity, were too close to the surface. So she nodded yes to the question and leaned around Sandra with the hopes of seeing one more glimpse of him. Yet like a ghost he was gone, taking with him all the hopes for the future she'd ever held.

Ron found his body frozen and couldn't stop himself from watching her. He'd run to England like a scared little boy, afraid to face his terrible actions, and now it was too late. He'd given it some thought while he was away and while he regretted his actions he didn't regret the reasons behind them; the thought of her betrayal still fed his anger.

But the look in her eyes had nearly undone all the hatred he'd built, she still loved him. Oh he saw the anger and hurt there, but she did still love him. Why? Did that mean he'd been wrong, once again the doubt creeping into his mind. Her eyes burned into his soul and the pain it caused had him swaying on his feet, maybe if he could…

His reprieve came in the form of someone stepping between them. The staring contest broken he was able to force his body to more. He had to escape those eyes, the eyes he knew would haunt him, even if he could maintain his belief she'd cheated on him.

_Bastogne-1944_

She'd never been so cold in her life. The old church was filled to capacity, the wounded screaming in pain coupled with the dying stacked like wood and yet it was never warm. They had been dumped here ten days ago, the supplies had run out in five days and now they were using what whiskey was left along with sheets of the dead to treat the wounded.

Leaning up against the wall she smoked what was close to being her last cigarette, damn what she wouldn't give a for supply drop. Rubbing her hand down her coat she thought about how in a very sad and warped way she'd been lucky. With the wounded dying she had been able to cover her pregnancy with a very long coat and supplement larger uniforms with those taken from the dead. Oh yeah she was turning out to be a real grave robber.

She heard the door behind her open and assumed it was Sandra, who like her was probably taking a break. Turning she saw she was correct as the other woman slid into the small niche she'd found to block the wind.

"Damn, freeze out here or endure the stench of drying blood…not sure what is worse. So how are feeling?"

Kellie shrugged, "tired like everyone else and desperate for a supply drop, just like everyone else."

"Ha, but not everyone else is five months pregnant." Ignoring the death glare Kellie was sending her she patted the stomach that was well hidden under the jacket. "So how is our boy today?"

Kellie couldn't help but laugh at how ridiculous this whole conversation was. "He is not happy and why are you so convinced it's a he?"

"Seriously, you have met Ron Speirs right, so do you see him producing any less than a boy…I mean come on he got you pregnant with what, the first time you guys slept together in England? Yep, my money is on a boy."

Kellie chuckled and finished her cigarette, "well I better head back in I really hate leaving Renee and them alone for too long."

Sandra reached out and grabbed her arm, "Kellie, you need to tell him. I'm not sure what happened back in France, but he needs to know."

"Yeah I know, I'll get a note to him and we'll see what happens." Turning she headed back down into the church basement that served as the hospital. At least up to this point it had been a safe shelter, she could only hope that it would remain that way.

He stood for a moment watching her. Something about her movements was wrong, but he just couldn't put his finger on it. Shaking his head he quickly tamped down any of the feelings of caring that tried to surface, he wasn't about to let her weasel back into his heart. The hate he'd nurtured needed to be fed.

Stepping inside the small room he moved to one side which allowed him to slam the door. He smirked when she jumped and dropped what she'd been holding.

"Alright, I got your note. So what was so important that you needed to see me right now?"

Kellie tried to slow her racing heart. He'd slammed the door to scare her intentionally and his tone was already on the defensive. Putting her hands in her pockets she turned to face him. "Thank you for coming. How are you?"

Lifting an eyebrow he leaned against the wall crossing his arms over his chest. "Why do you care? I figured after what I did in France you'd want me dead."

She gave him a sad smile, "you know that's not true. You know I still have feelings for you and always have. Can't you please consider those feelings for just a moment?"

"Consider your feelings? Ha, after all you've done? After you have lied and tried to manipulate me. What feelings could you possibly have that I should consider?"

This time she couldn't stop the tears, damn pregnancy hormones. Wiping her face she tried to focus on what she needed to say. "Okay I'll get to the point, I want to tell you something, something I was going to tell you back in France before…but I just want you to know that I don't expect anything from you."

"Well that's good to know, because right now I could walk past your dead body with pause."

The coldness of his words and the look in his eyes was worse than any cold she'd felt from the biting winds outside. She had to just get this over with, and then she could lie down and lick her wounds. Licking her chapped lips she took a deep breath and blurted out what she longed to tell him. "I'm pregnant."

With those two words Ron's mind shut down. That had been the last thing he expected her to say. His brain began to scramble for dates and quickly realized she was telling the truth. Maybe this could be their chance, this was the door he'd been waiting for all he had to do was walk through it and then they could be together again.

_Ah but remember the rumors…are you sure that it's even yours?_

And just like that the warm thoughts he'd been thinking fled in the face of the beast that was his hate. "Yeah, well ain't that just too bad for you. But hey, maybe Buck will step up and take the credit."

Kellie frowned, where was this coming from? "What are you talking about, I'd rather it be born a bastard than try and pass your baby off as someone else's."

His smirk should have warned her that he was about to say something worse, but the pain was like a knife in the chest when he finally spoke.

"That's good you feel that way since I'm not changing my mind."

She had to try and sway him; he just had to try one last time. "Ron listen I know you are angry with me for something…"

"Kellie just shut up. God, I was willing to give you everything then I hear you're fucking someone else and then I see you supporting him when you should have been there for me. I've had enough of your lies."

Kellie couldn't stop the hysterical laughter that bubbled up through her throat, "You stupid bastard! You practically rape me; leave me lying on the floor when you're done over some stupid rumor? A rumor you didn't even bother to ask me about?"

When he said nothing but just continued to stare at her like a bug she threw up her hands. "Well you know this is a war zone, maybe we'll all get lucky and I'll get killed."

Ron turned for the door pausing before he opened it, "yeah well I've never been that lucky. But trust me, if it happens, I won't lose any sleep over it."

Kellie walked to the open door to watch him weave his way through the wounded and start up the stairs. It didn't matter what he'd said, he was wrong and they both were she should have said something sooner. God help her but she still loved him and wanted him happy, even if it meant letting him walk away. "Good-bye Ron, be safe. I hope you find happiness.

He never expected to find Buck waiting on him when he returned from Bastogne. But yet there stood the man, bold as life. "What do you want Compton?"

Buck shook his head, "Ron you need to know something, something I think you don't understand…I've been with Sandra for a while now, I never slept with Kellie. She would never sleep with me saying I'd never understand her and that she didn't feel it was fair to me to lead me on."

Ron dropped his head, "so you are telling me, that when I saw you two together in France…"

"That's right; she was just having coffee and keeping me entertained while Sandra, the woman I've been with finished her shift."

"Oh my god…I need to go. Thanks for telling me." Ron turned his back on Buck and headed deeper into the forest. He knew if he was going to be sick he didn't want anyone to witness it.

_Berlin-1957_

Ron sat up in his bed, his head pounding and his heart throbbing in time. He'd never wanted to think about that meeting. Him and his stupid jealously had ruined it all, he'd never been given the chance to say he was sorry…never the chance to see his child.

Moaning he dropped back on the bed. He could still see her face, pale and thin, her heart breaking with every word he'd said. He only found out the truth about Buck and her after he'd returned to the forest and by that time she was dead. Her and Buck had stopped seeing each other months before, and in fact Buck lost his girlfriend in the same bombing.

Maybe this was his penance, to come so close to having it all back only to find out it wasn't her. The ripping off of the scab that covered his heart, yeah he deserved the hell he'd lived in for the last thirteen years and probably for the rest of his life, because there had never been anyone who could match her.

Glancing at the clock he realized it was time to go, he had to get to work and maybe if he threw himself into his work, the nightmares would go away.


	12. Chapter 12

_Weil er vergisst, weil er verdrängt,__ (Because he forgets, because he represses)__  
Und weil er schwärmt und stellt,(__ Because he's enthusiastic and toughens up)__  
Weil er wärmt, weil er erzählt,(__ He warms up when he tells tales)__  
Und weil er lacht, und weil er lebt,__ Du fehlst(__And because he laughs, because he lives, you're missed)_

_Mensch-Herbert Groenemeyer_

**Thank you so much for everyone who has reviewed and followed this story. This is the last chapter and I hope that I've met everyone's expectations with this, but if not, all I can say is sorry but hope you enjoyed the ride anyway. **

**Chapter 12**

_Berlin- 1957_

Michael sat watching the sun crest the horizon in the east. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been up all night, probably not since the war, and then you were just thankful to still be alive to see the sun. But last night he'd sat up thinking, his thoughts betraying him; keeping him from sleep. The amount of cigarettes he'd smoked along with the coffee had probably helped and would probably make him ill later.

He'd found himself in a very delicate situation, one that was not for the faint of heart, or for those of a weak will. For the last three months he'd stalled Renee, claiming he'd been unable to locate the person she was looking for, while every day his lies caused him to die a little inside.

He knew exactly who and where this man was located, yet his friendship with Gunter had stopped him from reaching out. Yet just yesterday, the defeated look in Renee's eyes had finally broken his heart.

She'd asked once a day for a month, then once a week and now…yes she'd not asked but her sad hopeful eyes often sought his, the question unspoken; 'where is the man I know will free me', yes those looks had finally grown to ignore. How many times had he spoken with Gunter, begging him to get her out of Berlin?

Shaking his head, he crushed out the latest cigarette and drunk the last of his lukewarm coffee. If Gunter couldn't or wouldn't make the decision he would. It was almost seven and after spending the entire night thinking about what he would do, he'd finally made his decision. He could no longer stand by and ignore the look of joy on Renee's face when she happened to remember another person…another event. Yes, he also could no longer delay the devastation her returning memory could cause.

Picking up the letter, he grabbed his coat and shut the door behind him; he needed to hurry if he was going to deliver this letter. The last thing he wanted was to be caught leaving it.

Ron dropped behind his desk, his head cradled in his hands. Fall was closing in and with it winter would arrive, bringing with it that horrible season; Christmas. God, how many more would he be forced to endure before his life ended or someone came into his life to make him forget.

_Forget? You'll never forget her; never forget how you destroyed her soul before she died. Ha, no one will ever be allowed that close again. How old would your son be now?_

"For the love of God, just shut up."

The cough from the door had him jerking his head up, the hangover momentarily forgotten. "Uh, sir I'm sorry to bother you, but I found this under the door when I came in."

Ron looked at the envelope handed to him, only his name on the front with no return address and nothing else to indicate where it came from. Waving his hand to dismiss his sergeant he ripped it open wondering what fresh level of hell this would bring.

_Lieutenant Colonel Speirs,_

_You have been fooled! The woman you were seeking a few months ago was not the woman they introduced you to. Please return to the embassy today no later than four o'clock. Then you will find what you seek. Please follow her to find all the answers, for she is unable to answer your questions._

He felt his heart began to beat harder, could it be possible that he had been tricked or was this just someone's idea of a sick Halloween prank. Tapping his fingers on the desk he made his decision. Sick joke or not, he'd be there at four o'clock, what did he have to lose?

_Bastogne-1944_

Kellie rubbed her stomach and tried to make the cramping stop. Ever since Ron had left she'd been having cramps and upset stomach, she honestly couldn't remember the last time she'd eaten, no matter what Sandra had found to tempt her with.

Rolling to her side she tried to shut out the crying and begging of the wounded. It never stopped and she knew that when this was over, she never wanted to see another wounded person again. How much longer could this go on?

"Kellie, please drink this tea, you can't get dehydrated." The softly accented voice drew her attention back to the door where the blonde Belgium nurse stood with a cup in her hand.

Even though she would rather have ran naked through the cold she forced a smile and sat up. "You're right Renee, thank you for bringing it to me, but you shouldn't have, don't you have enough sick people to watch over?"

Renee smiled and brushed the hair back from her forehead, "yes well I'm afraid if we don't get supplies they are going to be beyond my help, however, you aren't. Please Kellie, drink it while it's hot. Gene swears it will help."

Taking a sip she smiled behind the cup and lifted an eyebrow. "Well now if Gene swears it helps, then how could I say no?" Had she felt any better she would have laughed at the blush that crept into the other woman's face. She knew that Renee and the Easy company medic had developed some kind of bond, and she of all people knew to find love when and where you could.

Renee coughed and turned to leave, "yes well he has much home grown wisdom. I'll send Sandra to check on you in an hour, but then I'm afraid we are going to need you."

Kellie nodded; she knew they had been picking up her work, so now it was time to stop feeling sorry for herself. "Don't worry, this seems to be helping already, I'll be ready in an hour."

Renee nodded and walked back into the larger room. Kellie knew that without supplies all the nurses and doctors in the world wouldn't make this any better.

"Merry Christmas Kellie."

Looking to her side she saw Sandra holding out a lit cigarette, the last they might see for some time. Taking it she took a deep drag and handed it back. "Merry Christmas to you too, so did you hear from Buck?"

Sandra smiled, "yes he sent a very short note in with Gene, and damn it's hard to build a relationship when you have to pass notes like high school."

Laughing she turned her face up to the dark sky letting the snowflakes fall on her face, her memories miles from this terrible place.

"We lost three more men just an hour ago. How the hell do they expect us to keep them alive without supplies?"

Sighing she rubbed her stomach, "they don't. We're doing everything but everyone will die if we don't get out of her."

Sandra put her hand over Kellie's and smiled at the kick she felt. "Wow moving around a lot isn't he?"

"Yes, I'm sure he is going to be like his father…"

"What a bastard who leaves a woman in your condition?" Sandra sighed when she saw Kellie wince and withdrew her hand. "I'm sorry, I just can't believe he wouldn't even check on you, seriously what is wrong with that man."

Kellie stayed silent. No one knew exactly what had been said between her and Ron and it was best that way, especially since Sandra didn't need to know he'd accused her of sleeping with Buck.

Overhead the low rumble of planes could be heard and both women grinned at each other. "Maybe that's a supply drop. We need to get back inside; I don't want to die from having a falling supply container land on me."

Kellie was following Sandra back inside when she paused a moment, casting her face back to the sky she stopped to listen. Something about the drone of the planes wasn't right. Quickly she started back down the stairs her voice echoing back to her, "those aren't American, everyone take cover."

No one even realized the first bomb had been dropped because they were the first to be hit, the screams of the dying crushed beneath the weight of hundred year old stones.

_Berlin-1957_

Leaning against the wall he'd gotten here nearly thirty minutes early so he wouldn't miss the woman. People had been leaving for the day in pairs or singularly for the last several minutes and it would only be a matter of time before she appeared.

When the clock tower chimed a quarter past the hour he was about to leave when the door opened. The older man stepped out first followed by a younger woman adjusting her hat and going through her purse. She had yet to raise her head, but Ron would have known her anywhere. That was Kellie standing not more than a hundred feet from him and it took everything he had not to rush across the street and grab her. However he wanted to know where she'd been, so he waited until the couple parted and the woman started down the street alone.

Moving across the street he followed her for several blocks, stopping when she did and then continuing on, often wondering if he was losing his mind. Finally she stopped at a apartment building and went inside. When he tried the door he realized it was locked and he'd either need a key or have someone let him in.

"Damn it, now what do I do?"

From behind him came a heavily accented voice, "now you allow me to gain you access. No Colonel don't turn around, just face the door. You will want to go to apartment ten when the door buzzes."

Ron continued to face forward as an arm came from behind him to push the button. A quick exchange of names and conversation quickly led to the buzzer releasing the lock. Pushing open the door he cast a glance over his shoulder. "Thank you."

"No thanks necessary… just make her happy."

When Ron turned there was no one behind him. Letting the door close he slowly began to climb the stairs, wondering exactly what he would find at the apartment.

_Bastonge-1944_

Silence and freezing cold is what she became aware of first, followed by the smell of rotting meat. Since when did they have meat in Bastogne? No that wasn't right, where was she?

She could hear something dripping off to the side, but the darkness was so thick she had no chance to see what exactly it was. Groaning she rolled to her side and grabbed her head. The wet covered her face and most of her hair that she could feel, but the freezing pain overwhelmed everything else.

Trying to think or focus was hopeless, her head pounded so hard she couldn't think. But she knew that she had to get away from the horrible smell of death and rotting flesh. Pushing around her she found stones and wooden beams, digging round in the dark, she didn't care what it cost, but there was no way she was going to stay here. Wherever here was?

When she finally felt a cool breeze blow along her cheek she turned in that direction and began to dig harder until the faint light of the moon began to seep through. Digging harder, leaving behind fingernails and skin, she finally touched crisp pure snow. On her hands and knees she paused in the dark drawing in deep breaths of clean air before she finally was able to push to her feet.

Immediately she felt the cramps in her stomach begin, the new level of pain bringing her back to her knees. Somewhere deep inside her she knew she needed help, but looking around all she saw was open field and snow, where the hell was she?

Pushing back to her feet and trying to ignore the throbbing pain in her skull and cramping in her stomach she started across an open field towards the woods, there maybe she'd find what she was searching for. No one would ever saw the bloody footprints leading away from the destroyed church in Bastogne, the snow falling covered them within minutes.

Gunter quickly drank the remainder of his coffee. The animals in the barn needed to be feed and Sara the cow would need to be milked. For as much as he disliked the cold, he was thankful he'd been allowed to keep his cow when the Germans had come through this area. Pulling on his gloves and coat he braced himself to step out into the cold. The sooner the chores were done the sooner he could return to his warm fire.

Putting his head down he pushed through the blowing snow, his feet moving toward the barn by memory more than sight. There had been a heavy snow last night and the trail he had managed to keep was now covered, that would be a task for later today, but now feeding and milking were the main concern.

He was so lost in his thoughts that he almost tripped over something lying just inside the barn. Looking up he gasped in shock as he realized he'd nearly tripped over a body laying half in and out of the barn. Based on the lack of movement, he could only surmise he would have to add a burial to his list of chores.

Moving around to the side of the body lying inside, he stopped by the head and assessed the situation. The face was covered in blood and the skin he could see was pale as death, the lips having taken on the bluish tint of someone who'd frozen. Shaking his head he felt his heart clench when he realized that the person lying in front of him was a woman.

He pulled off his glove and placed his fingers against the frozen skin of her neck praying against all odds that he would feel a faint flutter of a pulse. Holding his breath he remained frozen in time until he felt it, faint but there. She was still alive.

Donning his glove he bent and picked her up. God had given him a second chance and this time he would not fail. Trudging back to the house he struggled with the door for only a moment before getting inside and moving down the hall to his daughter's room.

Laying the women gently on the bed he realized he needed to move quickly and get the wet clothing off her and try to get her body temperature back to normal. Right now the cold was his worst enemy.

Rushing back down the hall he put water on to boil before going back and starting to remove the woman's clothes. Once he had removed everything down to her underwear he saw that there was more blood than just the horrible head wound. Her uniform pants legs were soaked as well as her underwear and after placing a towel under her, he couldn't mistake the blood that continued to flow from her as anything other than what it was; a miscarriage.

Covering her body in blankets he knew there was nothing he could do to stop the miscarriage and went to work on the head wound that was slowly seeping blood. Sighing he knew that using plain thread and needle would leave a terrible scar but if she lived, he'd deal with that later.

Once he'd cleaned and warmed her the best that he could he sat beside the bed and fingered the things he'd found. The uniform was the American army and the tag around her neck indicated she belonged to them and the picture he'd found showed a young man and the woman before him in uniform. There would be someone looking for her, but until they found her, she'd be under his care.

Maybe God had given him a second chance; he'd driven his daughter away with his accusations, he'd caused her death, but now here was another woman who needed him. This time he wouldn't make the same mistakes.

For days he fought the fever and finally on the fifth day when he thought he was making head way he saw her glazed eyes open. Her tongue licked across cracked and bleeding lips, the voice when it came so hoarse he almost didn't hear it.

"My...my baby, is it okay?"

He wasn't sure if he answered her if she would remember it or not, but he wanted to start on the right foot so he told her the truth. "No Cherie, the baby is gone…a little boy if it matters."

The tears that flowed from those glazed eyes were the worst kind of torture, but her words nearly stopped his heart. "Well he got part of his wish; maybe I should give him the rest."

Those had been the last lucid words she'd spoken. When the fever and illness induced sleep broke a month later and she finally became lucid again he couldn't bring himself to tell her what he knew. She couldn't even remember her name and where she'd come from, so who was he to destroy her? God had given him another chance and this time, he'd save his daughter.

_Berlin-1957_

He raised his hand to knock and clinched it mid-knock. What was he doing? Was it worth the added pain if it wasn't her? What was he going to do if it was her?

_If you need me to tell you what to do if it is her…well I've got nothing!_

Growling he knocked on the door and waited, he could hear footsteps approach the door but was still surprised when an older gentleman opened the door. He saw the words die on the man's lips and his head drop in defeat. That was all Ron had needed to confirm he'd found her.

"Father who is at the door?"

Ron understood enough German to know what was being asked, but the tone of that voice, Kellie's voice hadn't changed over the years and that was her.

He watched as the old man stepped to the side and waved him inside and then yelled back to Kellie that it was okay, apparently it was enough to keep her wherever she was because the next thing he saw was the old man wave him toward the couch.

The glass of scotch that suddenly appeared in front of him was an even bigger shock and it he took it with a questioning look on his face.

"Don't look so surprised young man; did you think I wouldn't find out who you were after the train station last year?"

Ron smelled the scotch and then took a drink earning a laugh from the old man. "Okay so you know who I am and obviously this isn't a surprise to you, so let's start with the easy questions, who are you?"

"I am Gunter Weigel, I was born and raised in Belgium until the war and then moved further east after you Americans freed Bastogne."

Ron nodded and finished the scotch holding the glass out to the old man who quickly refilled it and set the decanter on the table. Turning Ron looked back toward the other rooms and then back at Gunter, "so will Kellie be walking in on us any time soon?"

The other man laughed, "so your German isn't so good, funny that you don't speak or understand better, but no she won't. I told her you were a friend and she said she would be taking a shower before dinner and then she would join us."

Ron nodded, "so why lie to me back in the winter?"

Gunter got up and began to pace, "that is harder to answer but let me try." Moving to the sideboard he quickly removed a box that was hidden behind some books and opened it removing items. Moving back to Ron he held them out and Ron couldn't help but notice the tears in his eyes.

"I knew this day would come no matter how hard I tried."

Ron took the items held out to him, Kellie's dog tags and the photo of him and her from Tocca he'd not seen in years. "Where did you get this?"

Gunter sat back down across from him and motioned to the scotch. "Have another drink and I'll explain everything, but let me start with the fact I'd lost my daughter not long before I found her. God gave me another chance and I took it."

Renee hummed to herself as she finished dressing. Michael had approached her today about taking a promotion to the embassy in Frankfurt and she'd decided to take it. Gunter wouldn't mind as it would be closer to Belgium and well there really was no point in staying here.

Tugging her hair into position to cover the scar along her hair line she smiled at herself in the mirror and opened her bedroom door to hear yelling in the other room. Dear God now what.

Rushing into the room she saw a man in uniform confronting Gunter and accusing him of keeping Kellie away from him, who was Kellie?

Without even thinking about what she was doing she rushed forward and grabbed the man in uniform's arm and stopped him. "Damn it Ron, stop yelling you're giving me a headache."

Both men froze and turned to look at her. The deep hazel eyes of the man whose arm she held warmed and she saw him smile, "you remember me?"

"Of course I do, you are still being a horse's ass, so stop yelling you're giving me a migraine."

Renee gasped and grabbed her head, the pain was intense but she'd remembered his name. Looking up through the tears she tried to smile, "I…I know your name."

Ron smiled and reached for her, "yeah baby you do." He was lucky that he was already reaching for her when he saw her eyes roll into the back of her head and was able to step forward and sweep her into his arms.

Picking her up, he sat on the couch with her in his arms, his fingers tracing over the scar in her hairline. "How long does this last?"

Gunter shrugged, "an hour more or less. I know you are angry, but I just wanted my daughter back and you never came!"

Ron looked away from Kellie's face at the outburst. "How the hell should I've ever known to come looking for her, did you ever see the hospital that was destroyed? No? Well she should have never gotten out; I'm not even sure how she did."

Gunter rubbed his forehead, "well that makes two of us, she probably should have died and had I not had cows that needed milking that morning she would have." Gunter wanted to say so much more but when he saw how carefully Ron held Renee, no Kellie, he had to think of her as Kellie now; there was little he could say.

Ron frowned and looked back up at Gunter, "where is my son?"

Gunter gave a bitter laugh, "he's buried in Belgium beside my daughter. She lost him two days after I found her. I'm sorry."

Bending Ron brushed a kiss across her forehead and sighed. "Not your fault, actually I don't deserve to have a child after the things I said…"

"I know." Gunter sighed when he saw the look Ron gave him and moved to stand by the window. "She was delirious with fever for several days and well she spoke of you…Ron…and well she spoke of your last meeting. No matter what you did to her I grieve for you loss."

Ron didn't know what to say, she'd forgotten him and everything else and his baby had died and was buried in Belgium. He knew he'd make one last trip back there for that reason. "Okay, well since you've kept her away from me for the last thirteen years, what does she think her name is?"

Gunter waved toward her, "Renee is her name. Or at least that's what I called her after my daughter and she never seemed to mind."

Ron laughed, "no she wouldn't, Renee is her middle name." Looking down he stroked her face and looked her over. Her hair now carried a touch of gray, but otherwise she looked as beautiful as ever. When her eyelashes began to flutter he held his breath and waited for her eyes to open.

Those crystal green orbs held him captive and had he not been fooled before he would have accepted what he saw, instead he reached for her right arm and assured himself the scar was there. When he saw it, he kissed her arm and then smiled at her. "Hello beautiful, I've missed you."

He saw the tears in her eyes before she spoke, "Ron…why didn't you search for me?"

"Oh baby, we've got lots to talk about, but I can tell you that the building you were in was destroyed, I never thought to search. Everyone was killed, how you got out is a miracle."

He saw her nibble her lower lip and then look over at Gunter who was watching her with his heart showing in his face. "Thank you for saving me and I'll never forget you. I promise no matter what you'll always mean everything to me."

Ron shook her gently to gain her attention, "what do you remember?"

"Bits and pieces, I know that I loved you and that we fought but just images really."

He nodded and kissed her lips, "okay, we can start from there, but here is something you need to know right now. Kellie I love you and I should have asked you this thirteen years ago. Marry me?"

She smiled and pulled him close, "oh yes Ron, I'll be your wife."

_Baton Rouge, Louisiana-1959_

Eugene Roe didn't say much about his time in the military and was happy with his life. But lately he'd had a strange feeling about picking up the mail every day. His family thought it was odd, but for the last few days he'd just had a feeling that something important was coming. So when the letter appeared with a German post mark he took interest.

He'd mailed a photo to Captain Speirs some years ago, it was one of the last he'd remembered Kellie taking and well, he knew more than most how much a photo meant to someone who'd lost everything.

Looking around he didn't see anyone so felt it was safe to open it without having to answer questions. What he found was two photos and one short note. The first photo was the same one he'd sent to Captain Speirs, the second one showed now Lieutenant Colonel Speirs with Kellie and a small baby standing in a cemetery. Frowning he turned the note over and read;

_Doc,_

_No you're not seeing things, that is Kellie and yes we have a son. Thank you for the photo you sent some years ago, I really appreciate it but now it's yours. Renee was a special woman and when we see you at a reunion maybe we can explain everything._

_Ron Speirs_

Flipping the photo over he saw a very feminine scrawl; Ron, Kellie and Alex Speirs. Bastogne, Belgium, our son Nicholas Speirs' grave behind us.

Well the next reunion would have an interesting story to share.


End file.
